Oh England, who delighted America so thoroughly with her eight-month-long wedding blow-out, whose pompous hats we secretly envy but look really really good on her, who wears pantyhose but day drinks, who throws massive shade in the form of a 19-foot-tall balloon and shrugs, who has a birthday party for nana but then…

The American woman formerly known as Meghan Markle and currently known as the Duchess of Sussex officially joined Great Britain’s Royal Family on Saturday (an event our own Kelly Faircloth covered extensively) and was quickly given her own piece of real estate on royal.uk. But after reading every word of the…

Thanks to Tom Bower’s unauthorized Prince Charles biography, a sensational portrait of a paranoid scrooge who shrieks at the sight of “cling film,” I now get a huge kick out of watching Prince Charles imitate human interactions in public. So I am delighted to imagine him trying to move his body to Meghan Markle’s…

The new royal baby has a name: Prince Louis Arthur Charles. A new tiny baby with a right propah unwieldy Anglo name! Oh, hip, hip, huzzah!!!

Shaggy–Shaggy of the old “butt naked bangin’ on the bathroom floor” tune–performed at the Queen’s 92nd birthday party and concert event last night. I googled this three times to make sure that, yes, this was the same Shaggy. He and Sting performed their new song “Don’t Make Me Wait,” which does not mention fucking,…

In behavior which Americans might call “stalkerish,” and the British call “well-wishing,” subjects are staking out St. Mary’s Hospital, where the next prince or princess is expected to blow out any day now. I’ve seen Mother, and I just blogged about Taylor Swift’s recently-apprehended “fan,” so from an American…

Author Tom Bower has delivered to royal gossip media a gift basket to last til the end of our lives, via the Daily Mail. The excerpt from his new book Rebel Prince: The Power, Passion and Defiance of Prince Charles, is a straightforward list of requirements to accommodate Prince Charles’s travel, dietary, and bowel…

Remember Meghan Markle’s half-sister, Samantha Grant? The one who is reportedly writing a tell-all about her relationship with Meghan called The Diary of Princess Pushy’s Sister? It’s been a while since we’ve heard from her (maybe because she ran out of third-tier media outlets to talk to), but thanks to some intrepid …

The Lifetime Channel has dropped its last vestige of propriety and dumped this on the doorstep of Buckingham Palace: Harry & Meghan: A Royal Romance. The made-for-TV royal drama isn’t exactly protocol-breaking at this point (see William and Kate: The Movie), but yesterday they posted this little “First Look” on…

Kit Harington had an interaction with Mariah Carey in which he would have been free to glance at her breasts, but instead he made a conscious, adult decision to do the right thing. The Sun has exclusively reported:

Baby bump detectives (everyone) are working hard on Kylie Jenner’s warped pregnancy timeline, and the puzzle is starting to look like a baby, ergo: omfg.

Ed Sheeran, who is currently awaiting his fate in the Tower of London, violated royal protocol when he touched Prince Charles’s arm on Thursday while being awarded one of Britain’s highest honors, the Member of the Order of the British Empire (MBE) for his services to music and charity. May God have mercy on his soul.

Twenty years ago this summer, Princess Diana died in a tragic car accident that put Britain in a state of mourning that lasted for an entire week. In the aftermath following her death, the public seemingly turned on the media, whom they believed to be the indirect cause of her untimely passing, hounded as she was by…

Does the Daily Mail send a photographer to full-time camp out in the Buckingham palace parking lot? Because here are previous photos of the royal family in cars, with a subset of the Queen driving around like a fucking baller. On this outing, they made merry with a joke! They’re just like us.

The Royal Family–the two thousand year old UK version of the Bachelor, but a lot slower–finally (hopefully) has produced a new development! The Daily Star is reporting rumors that on a Botswana camping trip, “helicopter pilot Harry” flew American actress Meghan Markle to an isolated spot to propose to her under the…

Expecting to click through this Vogue interview with Jennifer Aniston and read a transcript of an Aveeno commercial, I was pleasantly surprised. This is somebody who says shit!

The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge, together with their tiny royals Prince George and Princess Charlotte, have concluded a one week tour of Canada. As a tribute to the Royal Family’s hosts, Kensington Palace has released a short video with footage from Thursday’s children’s party. Unsurprisingly, Prince George makes a…

Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau is beloved for his progressive politics and strong yet boyish face, but 3-year-old Prince George sees right through all that shit, and will not be extending his hand in a “high five.” What does he look like, some sort of city-subsidized day camper? This sweater is cashmere.

Welcome to Midweek Madness, where we get a call from our good friend Kate Middleton who asks, “Do you have time to listen to me vent for a few minutes?”

Kensington Palace issued a letter Friday appealing to the media to stop publishing unauthorized photos of Prince George, who has become subject to “an increasing number of incidents of paparazzi harassment.”