Welcome to Midweek Madness, where the Meghans are Markle and the only winner of the gig economy is reality star-turned-deep stealth sponconista Olivia Culpo.

Welcome back to Midweek Madness, our long-dormant weekly revue of all the best and the worst but mostly deeply whateverness that tabloid media has to offer us. But first… a passage from Revelations:

Welcome to Midweek Madness, where we notice that all of today’s tabloids are for the week of December 20 and get really sad that the holiday season is almost over and we haven’t watched all the movies we’ve been meaning to watch, like The Family Stone and Home Alone and Christmas Vacation and, when we’re feeling like…

Welcome back to Midweek Madness where this week, Kim Kardashian is either divorcing the spotlight or Kanye West (depending on which tabloid you ask), Angelina Jolie is desperately missing Brad, and a group of women—Leah Remini, Nicole Kidman, and Katie Holmes—are coming together to ruin Tom Cruise and the Church of…

Welcome to Midweek Madness, where we read Star, In Touch, OK, but not Life & Style because for some reason the magazine store decides that they don’t want to put it up, and write the lede to this post while munching on a delicious Fuji apple we bought from the Union Square farmer’s market earlier this week while…

Welcome to Midweek Madness, where we find the strength to shuffle into the magazine store after taking a week off to digest last Tuesday’s events, look beyond the apocalyptic headlines at eye level and lift our heads up to the lighter fare—the stuff that’s both less important than it ever was, and an oddly reassuring…

Welcome to Midweek Madness, where we pick up copies of OK!, In Touch, Life & Style, and Star, take them to the cashier, pay for all four, get to work, and realize they hadn’t switched out the In Touch’s from last week’s and that we sort of got screwed by paying for it again.

Welcome back to Midweek Madness, where this week Adele, Beyoncé, and Kate Middleton are ALL having babies, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie’s split is only getting dirtier, and the tabloids—desperate to keep Jennifer Aniston looking jealous and heartbroken—have invented a love triangle between the Friends star, her…

Welcome to Midweek Madness, where we read the headline “JOHN & KELLY: INSIDE THEIR BIZARRE MARRIAGE” and start laughing to ourselves in public. This week, Angelina Jolie is a freakin’ liar, John Travolta and Kelly Preston are freakin’ weirdos, and William and Kate are freakin’ King and Queen.

Welcome back to Midweek Madness, where this week all the tabloids are speculating on the Kardashian Paris robbery, Brad just wants to see his kids, and Bennifer 2.0 are either adopting a baby or one of them is hooking up with Taylor Swift! Allons-y, mes amis!

Welcome to Midweek Madness, where the tabloids are still horny as a dolphin in an isolation tank for Brangelina gossip. This week, we discover that our magazine store has just opened a new location a block away from the old one that is a tiny bit smaller than the old one, but has an entire row of candy! Also bongs and…

In this week’s Midweek Madness, Angelina Jolie is a PR mastermind who filed for divorce too late in the week for the tabloids to cover the story so instead we’re focusing on the made-up breakups of Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux and Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson. Call up Laura Wasser, dear readers—it’s time we…

Welcome to Midweek Madness, where the four major cover stories today alternate between conscious coupling and conscious uncoupling. On Team ‘We’re Finished,’ we’ve got Jessica Biel, Justin Timberlake, Brad Pitt, and Angelina Jolie. On Team ‘I Still Love You,’ we’ve got Katie Holmes, Jamie Foxx, Ben Affleck, and…

Welcome to Midweek Madness. Bobby Finger, your usual intrepid guide through the tabloids, is on vacation in Italy so I have to do it instead. (And I’m doing it a day late! This is already a mess.) In this week’s ‘bloids, Bobby has biked the walls around Lucca, made a nonsensical joke about the David (“I’ll have what…

Welcome to Midweek Madness, where we go to the counter with our magazines, get asked if we need a bag, say no, and hear the cashier laugh in response. “I know you don’t need a bag,” he says. “You’re the guy who never needs a bag!”

Welcome to Midweek Madness, where we walk into the magazine store and hear the man say, “Long time no see!” to you even though you were there two weeks ago.

Welcome to Midweek Madness, where we cure ourselves of Senioritis with a dose of penicillin and get back to business. This week, Amal Clooney is pregnant with a girl, Jessica Biel is pregnant with twins, and Blake Shelton is pregnant...with racism!

Welcome to Midweek Madness, where we don’t go to our original magazine store, our recently shuttered backup magazine store, or the second backup magazine store that’s close to the office but only has the tabloids 30 percent of the time, and instead try something a little different because it’s Senior Week.