Welcome to Midweek Madness, Jezebel’s weekly tabloid roundup where we decide once and for all whether Olivia Culpo wore it better. (She did.)

What a terrible time to be alive. Except for today. Because it is Midweek Madness, Jezebel’s weekly tabloid roundup where People tries to gavage les Gaines down my gullet like one of them mistreated geese.

Welcome to Midweek Madness, Jezebel’s weekly tabloid roundup where I read the mags and tell you about the mags. This week, I read the teen mags. Now let me tell you about the mags!

Welcome to Midweek Madness, Jezebel’s weekly tabloid roundup. This week, everyone’s freaking out about Meghan Markle’s pregnancy—not to be confused with “mpreg.”

I read the magoozines. This is my story.

Welcome to Midweek Madness, where FUCK it’s only Wednesday.

Welcome to Midweek Madness, Jezebel’s weekly tabloid roundup where the advertorial synergy is apparent and everyone’s a SCARY SKINNY!!!! legend.

M… is for the way you… look at me…

Welcome to Midweek Madness, where the Meghans are Markle and the only winner of the gig economy is reality star-turned-deep stealth sponconista Olivia Culpo.

Welcome back to Midweek Madness, our long-dormant weekly revue of all the best and the worst but mostly deeply whateverness that tabloid media has to offer us. But first… a passage from Revelations:

Welcome to Midweek Madness, where we notice that all of today’s tabloids are for the week of December 20 and get really sad that the holiday season is almost over and we haven’t watched all the movies we’ve been meaning to watch, like The Family Stone and Home Alone and Christmas Vacation and, when we’re feeling like…

Welcome back to Midweek Madness where this week, Kim Kardashian is either divorcing the spotlight or Kanye West (depending on which tabloid you ask), Angelina Jolie is desperately missing Brad, and a group of women—Leah Remini, Nicole Kidman, and Katie Holmes—are coming together to ruin Tom Cruise and the Church of…

Welcome to Midweek Madness, where we read Star, In Touch, OK, but not Life & Style because for some reason the magazine store decides that they don’t want to put it up, and write the lede to this post while munching on a delicious Fuji apple we bought from the Union Square farmer’s market earlier this week while…

Welcome to Midweek Madness, where we find the strength to shuffle into the magazine store after taking a week off to digest last Tuesday’s events, look beyond the apocalyptic headlines at eye level and lift our heads up to the lighter fare—the stuff that’s both less important than it ever was, and an oddly reassuring…

Welcome to Midweek Madness, where we pick up copies of OK!, In Touch, Life & Style, and Star, take them to the cashier, pay for all four, get to work, and realize they hadn’t switched out the In Touch’s from last week’s and that we sort of got screwed by paying for it again.

Welcome back to Midweek Madness, where this week Adele, Beyoncé, and Kate Middleton are ALL having babies, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie’s split is only getting dirtier, and the tabloids—desperate to keep Jennifer Aniston looking jealous and heartbroken—have invented a love triangle between the Friends star, her…

Welcome to Midweek Madness, where we read the headline “JOHN & KELLY: INSIDE THEIR BIZARRE MARRIAGE” and start laughing to ourselves in public. This week, Angelina Jolie is a freakin’ liar, John Travolta and Kelly Preston are freakin’ weirdos, and William and Kate are freakin’ King and Queen.

Welcome back to Midweek Madness, where this week all the tabloids are speculating on the Kardashian Paris robbery, Brad just wants to see his kids, and Bennifer 2.0 are either adopting a baby or one of them is hooking up with Taylor Swift! Allons-y, mes amis!

Welcome to Midweek Madness, where the tabloids are still horny as a dolphin in an isolation tank for Brangelina gossip. This week, we discover that our magazine store has just opened a new location a block away from the old one that is a tiny bit smaller than the old one, but has an entire row of candy! Also bongs and…