Michael Phelps, Who Didn't Actually Race a Shark: 'I Had Fun Racing a Shark'
The ongoing furor in response to Michael Phelps not actually getting into open water with a great white shark to race side by side is the dumbest and most hilarious in recent pop culture history. And it’s continuing! Hallelujah.
You Can't Trust Shark Week
If you were fooled into thinking you’d be watching Michael Phelps race side-by-side with an actual great white shark, well, I’m sorry to say it but shame on you. For years now, the Discovery Channel’s annual week of shark-oriented programming has peddled some tall tales alongside docs that are ostensibly invested in…
Ryan Lochte Is, Like, Kinda Upset His Frenemy Michael Phelps Never Called
Ryan Lochte is still trying to pick up the pieces of his self-shattered life after lying to the world about an armed robbery that was actually his drunk ass being a drunk ass.
Shade Court: Kate Upton's Revenge, Petty Politics and a Dumb Merman
I don’t know about you all but I’m settling back into things nicely. The gavel feels smooth in my hand and my robe still fits. Still, as was the case before my retirement, I continue to be trolled by people with delusions of cleverness.
Josh Duggar Sued for Allegedly Assaulting Woman During Sex
Adult film actress Danica Dillon is suing Josh Duggar, the most reliable sexual deviant from 19 Kids and Counting, for physical and emotional injuries sustained on the two occasions that the pair allegedly engaged in consensual sex.
Michael Phelps Is Very Sorry About His DUI
In today's Tweet Beat, Michael Phelps expresses his remorse for recklessly putting the lives of others in danger for the second time, Alyssa Milano is happy with her choice of cellular device and Piers Morgan shares some "breaking news."
Taylor Swift and Conor Kennedy Split, Rain Falls on the Grassy Knoll of Her Heart
Next time you're in a Walgreens or a Duane Reade and you see that bizarre Taylor Swift display with the swag and the CDs and shit, offer your condolences to her 2-dimensional cardboard likeness, for she and Conor Kennedy are no more. Apparently the two "quietly parted ways awhile ago" and "it was a distance thing."…
Nicki Minaj Is Voting For Mitt Romney Because Everything She Raps Is Definitely True
A Nicki Minaj verse on Lil Wayne's new mixtape Dedication 4 is whipping all the blogs up into an unnecessary frenzy about her political predilections this morning:
Fifty Strokes of Gay: The Wonderfully Weird World of Filthy Olympic Swimming Fanfiction
If you can dream it, someone has written dirty fanfiction about it. There's sexy fanfiction about everything imaginable — from Thomas the Tank Engine to RENT to Rainbow Brite. Years ago, I followed a blog called World Cup Sexual Frustration, which alternated between posting pictures of soccer players, which is what…
It's Official: Katy Perry Is Having Naked Sleepovers at John Mayer's House
Am I the last person to find this out? Oh my god, it's perfect. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god, it's perfect!!! OH MY GOD. It's perfect!!!!! Apparently Katy Perry and John Mayer have been spotted hanging out together and now they're having "sleepovers" at his house (LIKE INTERCOURSE ONES).
Michael Phelps Gets a Girlfriend, Everyone Immediately Assumes She's a Fame Whore
You guys know that's super rude, right? Like someone couldn't possibly like Michael Phelps because he's, um, a decent human being with a nice personality (also, unlimited party subs!)? This week, Phelps made his first public appearance with girlfriend Megan Rossee, who is either a fame-hungry cocktail waitress or a…
Olympian and MMA Fighter Ronda Rousey Thinks Michael Phelps Is Kind of an Asshole
Ronda Rousey, who took home the bronze medal in judo at the Beijing Olympics, has talked about the less lurid camaraderie among Olympians, saying that hanging out with all the world's various superhumans for a few weeks in the summer is super fun. The MMA fighter and Strikeforce bantamweight champion (which all sounds…
Michael Phelps Adds the Dirty Uncle Mustache Stroke to His Repertoire
Michael Phelps strokes his mustache during a news conference at the U.S. Olympic swimming trials, Saturday, June 23, 2012, in Omaha, Neb. The trials starts on Monday. (AP Photo/Mark Humphrey)
Madonna's Ditching Kabbalah For A New Weird Religion
Madonna, noted Kabbalah enthusiast, has a new religion! Now she's (allegedly) into Opus Dei, the organization that was part of an international conspiracy in The Da Vinci Code. Her Madgesty spent 90 minutes at the Opus Dei center in London, and seems to be interested in the theology of Opus Dei, which teaches…
Is Eva Longoria Parker Getting Divorced Or What?
Paula's Star Search Gig; Angelina's School For Girls
Martha's Issues With Men; Lady Gaga's Near-Collapse
Jay-Z Takes Credit For Beyonce's Moves; Growing Pains Star Is Missing
Hilary Duff Engaged; Simon Wants Lady Gaga For American Idol
