I’m so sorry to report that Meghan Markle has been robbed—by Harry Styles! Of her 2018 Teen Choice Award, that is. Styles, I hope you’re prepared to be eaten alive by the corgis for this offense against the majesty of the Crown!
Here’s a question: Balmoral, quiet misty haven or so freaking boring you’d run screaming onto the nearest heather-spotted moor? Well, if anybody has a direct line to Meghan Markle, you should ask her in the coming weeks, because she’s off for a visit.
Thomas Markle, father of the future Queen of England (I know she’s a Duchess and I know she’ll never be Queen but let me be dramatic), was interviewed by The Daily Mail yet again because A) He has something new to say about his daughter’s marriage, and B) Their checks clear.*
Meghan Markle’s favorite food is pasta. Queen Elizabeth II is 92 years old and steers clear of starchy foods. By the ironclad natural laws of the tabloids, these two facts are fundamentally at odds and the pair are now AT WAR!
It is true, Lindsay Lohan is reinventing again with a Vanderpump Rules-inspired reality show about her Mykonos beach club, the first of the resort chain she’s planning. A source tells Page Six that it will be “cooler, hipper, edgier” version.
A simple yes or no will do! But all I get are “sources” and signs from tabloids. Not the confirmation I crave. You see I need to know so that I can plan my own vacation…from the Internet.
Here are some things Thomas Markle, Duchess Meghan’s father, has said in a series of “exclusive” interviews with British tabloid The Sun:
I met a baby today and am delighted by babies generally, which means I have babies ON. THE. BRAIN. this evening (hello to any and all future boyfriends!!!) So it is with the greatest pleasure that I present to you the **VERY OFFICIAL** photos from Prince Louis’s christening, which were released by Kensington Palace…
Meghan Markle might have made the mistake of expressing an opinion about Ireland’s abortion referendum. The fact that this could be considered a “mistake” goes to the heart of why it would actually be very frustrating to be a woman with strong political opinions in the royal family.
A christening is the most reliable of events for the royals—the whole extended family gets to make a polished, wholesome, and highly controlled appearance in front of photographers. It’s pure PR upside for The Firm. And Prince Louis is already all, ugh, who cares? Zzzz—bored!
R.I.P. Rachel Meghan Markle, the lifestyle blogger from Cali who held a suitcase for Deal or No Deal and grew up on Baywatch, who was murdered by Buckingham Palace’s “about” page in May 2018 and laid to rest somewhere in rural Scotland wrapped in a Union Jack. Greetings, Meghan, Duchess of Sussex, who has risen from…
Oh England, who delighted America so thoroughly with her eight-month-long wedding blow-out, whose pompous hats we secretly envy but look really really good on her, who wears pantyhose but day drinks, who throws massive shade in the form of a 19-foot-tall balloon and shrugs, who has a birthday party for nana but then…
Meghan Markle has been nominated for a Teen Choice Award—specifically, a Choice Style Icon award. Her competitors are Blake Lively, Harry Styles, Chadwick Boseman, Zendaya and Migos. Finally, a REAL honor!
In the past, I’ve said I’d never want to marry into the royal family. Unfortunately now I must change my answer, for one specific reason: Because I’d love an excuse to wear a Dynasty-ass hat like Meghan Markle was sporting today at Royal Ascot.
Lest you thought you’d be free of Meghan Markle news now that the royal wedding has come and gone, NOPE. Today, from across the pond: Markle wore stilettos to a wedding and she stumbled. It was a Big Deal:
How badly do you want it? What are you willing to sacrifice? Ask yourselves these questions. Think this through.
Sofia Richie and Scott Disick are over at long last. People reports that Sofia, 19, broke up with lord of all bare chested men Scott, 35, adding an absolutely unnecessary explanation:
Last week, the Daily Mail featured quotes from designer Emilia Wickstead in which she seemed to suggest that she thought Meghan Markle’s wedding dress rather close to her own label’s work and also Markle’s wispy ’do was wrong for the regal occasion. Now, Wickstead has released a statement saying that she sees no…