I need your help with a mystery.

Melanie Griffith is done with marriage, but certainly not men. Or so she put it in a new interview with InStyle Magazine. Griffith, who’s been married three times—to Don Johnson, Steven Bauer, and most recently Antonio Banderas, who she married in 1996 and divorced in 2015—has no interest in walking down the aisle…

Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck might’ve separated in 2015, filing to end their decade-long union, but it turns out they’re still legally married. And their divorce might be dismissed.

Like fine wines, certain cheeses, and denim jackets, Nick Jonas knows women get better with age.

If I were Priyanka Chopra’s mother—indulge me here—and was asked by Priyanka and Nick Jonas to sit down for a nice meal only to have them nervously reveal their engagement during the main course, I would look my daughter in the eye and say, “Honestly? Whatever. Enjoy your life. It’s short.” Despite reports that…

Several outlets reported on Thursday that actor Michelle Williams revealed in an an interview with Vanity Fair’s Amanda Fortini that she married Mount Eerie’s Phil Elverum earlier this month in “a secret ceremony in the Adirondack, witnessed by only a handful of friends and their two daughters.”

Two people, one thought: Marriage is so overplayed.

Justin Bieber has confirmed that he’s officially engaged to be MARRIED to Hailey Baldwin (~he’s off the market, ladies~), and yes, we know a lot about him—way too much. But who is she not?

Based on everything they (and their children) have ever said about their relationship, Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith are perhaps the most happily married couple on the planet. Their marriage, per Jada, is “never going down.” Because it—like the universe or Drake’s next album—is infinite.

A new study looks at men’s nontraditional surname choices in heterosexual marriage and—in the words of ScienceDaily—asks, “What kind of guy would take his wife’s last name?” I don’t know, a guy who glances at the calendar on the wall and realizes that it’s 20FUCKING18 ALREADY AND WHY ARE WE STILL DOING THIS DUMB MRS.…

Us Weekly is reporting that comedian Amy Schumer married a chef named Chris Fischer in a “rented house in Malibu” on Tuesday. The ceremony was officiated by someone who looks a LOT like John Early in character as “Vicky,”and witnessed by people like her bff Jennifer Lawrence. Schumer confirmed the news on her…

If you’re loving Instagram on a Wednesday night, it must be Valentine’s Day.

For years, I have been starved for news—any news—related to the short-lived and somewhat under-the-radar 2009 Bravo reality show NYC Prep, which followed a group of awkward, painfully privileged uptown kids pretending to care about cleft palates for their college applications. Today, my friends, we have been given…

Dear Jane,

For most, air travel is a time to briefly unhook from the Internet, watch a Catherine Zeta-Jones movie you think you remember hearing about (?), even, perhaps, submerge the passage of time a bit more definitely with free wine, or a pre-purchased depressant of one’s choosing.

What’s Judith Light’s secret to making her marriage last? Putting an entire country between them for months at a time, thats what.

Dear Jane,

The extended trailer for Fifty Shades Freed, the final film in the sleek sexual punishment trilogy, is out and delving into new, exciting erotic territory: the marriage of a wealthy, monogamous couple.

Jane!

I would have been fine going through life without ever seeing a neon pink penis-shaped straw.