Donald Trump and Betsy DeVos Visit Private School Devoted to 'College and Heaven'

Hello, I’m writing this from a steaming puddle under my desk, because I just read a pool report about President Donald J. Trump’s visit to a private Catholic school and as an unfortunate result, my eyeballs have melted into my head, which has collapsed into my butt, and I can’t hold my skin upright in my chair any…

Resentful Florida Teen Will Seek Senate Reelection After All, and Honestly, Why Do You Guys Even Care, Go Away

“I have only said like 1000 times I will be a private citizen in January,” failed Republican presidential candidate and agitated ninth grader Marco Rubio tweeted approximately one month ago, in response to a Washington Post story that suggested he was unsure about his political future. On Wednesday, the Washington…