In today's Tweet Beat, the former yet forever reigning queen of daytime television and the queen of Thursday nights meet together at Harvard University and rain blessings upon all who shall receive, Madonna and Miley Cyrus grind on each other and Kathie Lee and Hoda gloriously throw tact to the wind.

Today show lushes Kathie Lee and Hoda hung out with Andy Cohen on Watch What Happens Live last night, and played a fun game called "Encylo-Kathie Lee-dia," which tested how well KLG knows modern slang terms.

Oh my fucking sweet God. (Please refer to Rule 43.)

Baby weight: A thing that happens, sometimes. Ways to fix/change it: Tuna melts*, not caring, doing Zumba or some shit, more tuna melts, or encasing yourself in a chamber of horrors like Jessica Alba. In an interview with Net-a-Porter's magazine, Alba divulges her post-pregnancy weight-loss secret after giving birth…

So James Franco deep-throats a pistol in J.K. Rowling's newest novel, James Franco and The Cavernous Sexual Ambiguity the upcoming Harmony Korine film Spring Breakers. Details interviews Franco this month, and its reporter recalls another instance of a Franco onscreen blowjob in his NYU student film The Broken Tower.

Anna Karenina star Keira Knightley went topless for the December issue of Allure. Hey, Keira, do you have an eating disorder? There are all those rumors and everything.

Halle Berry was rushed to the hospital last night after she slipped and hit her head on concrete while shooting upcoming movie The Hive in Los Angeles, co-starring Abigail Breslin. She was taken to Cedars-Sinai around 10 PM and her condition "remains unclear."

On Friday's Today, — writing that almost made me slip into a space-time continuum — television's favorite wine tasters Kathie Lee and Hoda Kotb opened the sealed insert in the latest Cosmo and talked about pensises. Or they would have talked about penises if Kathie Lee didn't squander their single FCC-approved…

Four days after they were reported missing, country star Mindy McCready and her 5-year-old son Zander were found hiding in a closet in an Arkansas home and the boy has since been taken into custody.

This morning on Today, Kathie Lee tried out a breastfeeding doll, and seemed thrilled by the experience, throwing in some baby talk and overemotional faces. Hoda commented, "Something's just so weird about what's happening right now."

Rob Lowe's attractive self is currently in the middle of a press tour discussing his new autobiography, which is a good enough reason to turn on the TV as is. But this morning, Good Morning America upped the television ante when they aired a vintage clip of Rob in all his 16-year-old teen idol glory. His reaction to…

Fresh off of last month's performance of Flo Rida's "Ayer," this morning, author, Peabody-award winning journalist and breast cancer survivor Hoda rapped along to the funky 1981 track by Frankie Smith.

Today was the last straw: I officially hate the Today show. I know it's in the category of "morning television," but I always tune in, hoping against hope, that I'll see, you know, the news. But after the missing women and harmed kids stories, they move right along to "When should I throw stuff in my fridge away?" and…