Experts say these white lion cubs are quickly and healthily gaining weight. Far be it for Jezebel—a blog staffed entirely by clowns—to question the experts! However, we say that these cuties could perhaps be just the slightest bit more roly-poly.

A German town is looking for someone with some way to evict a giant catfish who’s eaten all his fellow fish in a city-owned pond—and begun to eat the ducks. I will solve this problem by inviting this cool guy to become my roommate and wildest pal.

Here we are, waiting for 9 PM, the witching hour, with dread. Happy Monday!

We are in the midst of what many are calling the worst refugee crisis since World War II, yet refugees and asylum seekers around the world are facing increasingly harsh restrictions. The latest crackdown: German leaders have now announced plans to build a series of migrant detention camps (excuse me, “transit…

On Wednesday, Germany’s constitutional court ruled that the country must create a third gender category.

In June Germany became the 15th European country to grant same-sex couples the right to marriage. On October 1 the law officially went into effect and Karl Kreile and Bodo Mende, who met 38 years ago, became the first gay couple to legally marry in the country.

Police in northwestern Germany have recovered thousands of ecstasy tablets worth around $45,900 shaped to look like our bloated yet chalky leader, Donald Trump. Can you picture yourself under any circumstances putting Trump’s head in your mouth?

The German Parliament voted Friday to legally recognize same-sex marriage after Chancellor Angela Merkel cleared the way for its approval with lawmakers, allowing them to “vote their conscience” on the measure.

Germany’s Rock am Ring festival reopened Saturday after authorities shut it down Friday night over a potential terrorism threat, forcing the event’s more than 80,000 attendees to disperse.

After reportedly realizing over the course of her deeply uncomfortable trip to the US that Ivanka Trump was an unavoidable backchannel to the West Wing, German Chancellor Angela Merkel invited her to speak at the W20 Summit in Berlin on a panel about women’s entrepreneurship. The audience did not love it.

On Sunday afternoon, the telephone of Nazi Germany leader Adolf Hitler was purchased at auction for $243,000. It’s unclear why someone would covet an item once in intimate proximity to undiluted evil. Rich tapestries, I guess.

On Tuesday, Germany’s Federal Constitutional Court rejected a request to ban the National Democratic Party, a far-right, ultranationalist group often characterized as the neo-Nazi party. The highest court reasoned that the party was likely too weak to undermine democracy.

Holocaust researchers excavating Sobibor, a Nazi death camp in eastern Poland, have unearthed a pendant that may be linked to diarist Anne Frank.

Guess what! As it turns out, life sometimes offers more than a grinding trudge towards death. Residents of the German island Langeoog learned this very lesson last week, when tens of thousands of Kinder Surprise Eggs washed onto its shore.

The Associated Press is reporting that nine people have died and at least 50 were wounded Monday night when a truck crashed into a crowded Christmas market in Berlin.

German Chancellor Angela Merkel said during an address to her party, the center-right Christian Democrats, that the “full veil,” referring to both the burqa and the niqab, is “not appropriate” in Germany and should be banned “wherever possible.”

Now that Wikileaks’s Julian Assange is done helping Donald Trump get elected, the accused rapist and alleged Russian collaborator is turning his attention towards one of the strongest remaining EU proponents, German chancellor Angela Merkel, with a new pile of leaked documents. How brave.

Here’s a headline to elicit one last strangled scream from your depleted corpse, via the New York Times: “Donald Trump’s Election Leaves Angela Merkel as the Liberal West’s Last Defender.” While there’s arguably no one more qualified to play this role than Germany’s brilliant, taciturn “Mutti,” this is absolutely…

Twin runners Lisa and Anna Hahner represented Germany in the Olympic marathon on Tuesday. They placed far behind the winner by about 21 minutes, and supposedly fifteen minutes behind their usual marathon times, at 81st and 82nd place. They decided to make the best of the situation and hold hands like the loving twins…