Scott Walker to Pull Out of Presidential Race, Come All Over Wisconsin

Sweet little rat-faced Wisconsinite Scott Walker’s presidential ambitions have been officially snuffed out and I am laughing so hard I can’t see the screen does this even make sense? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

The Wisconsin governor who was once seen as an adult worthy of consideration, ran his campaign into the ground with a sturdy platform of homophobia, Islamophobia, misogyny, hatred of poor people and of children who have been abused. He also has a haircut estimated to be worth around $20.

The New York Times reports on his abysmal polling record:

He started the year at the top of the polls but has seen his position gradually deteriorate, amid the rise of Donald J. Trump’s populist campaign and repeated missteps by Mr. Walker himself.

In the most recent CNN survey, Mr. Walker drew support nationally from less than one-half of one percent of Republican primary voters. He faced growing pressure to shake up his campaign staff, a step he was loath to take, according to Republicans briefed on his deliberations.

Walker has called a press conference for 6 p.m. in Madison at which he will undoubtedly announce his plans to shack up with Pizza Rat because here at Jezebel we are aware of things that are in the Zeitgeist.