Scientists Reveal Kinky Secrets of Whale Sex

Spoiler alert: Whales have huge dicks and know how to use them. Whales have giant foreskins. Whales bang. A lot. But you will never see it. Too bad, because whales are amazing lovers.

We know all of the above facts because scientists have been studying whale sex for a long time. You see, whale sex is fascinating for two reasons: The first, because of how drastically their sex organs have evolved; the second, because watching whales have sex is so rare, we’ve got to figure out exactly how it is that they do it. I love that fact that whales are very secretive about their sex lives (because probably too kinky). That makes me like whales even more (and I have always liked whales) and I would like to subscribe to their newsletter. I tried searching for whale sex on youtube but found precious little. In fact, the closest thing I found is this video of a giant whale penis. Check it out:

Impressive, huh? The people who run the journal Evolution think so, too, which is why they’ve published this latest study on whale pelvises. It turns out that these parts of the whale’s body (long considered to be useless, like the appendix), are actually evolving right along with the whales, allowing them to mate more efficiently:

“People that really know the reproductive biology of whales and dolphins already know and have known that these pelvic bones are an anchor point for reproductive organs,” co-corresponding author and Collections Manager of Mammalogy at the Natural History Museum of Los Angeles County Jim Dines said. “But it’s not something that they teach you in a marine mammal class.” Outside of a small circle of experts in whale anatomy, he said, the common consensus, even among marine biologists, was that the pelvis was a useless bone — one that would disappear, given a few million years more of evolution.

And what’s even cooler is that instead of just analyzing bones, Dines and his co-author Matthew Dean actually tirelessly 3d scanned hundreds upon hundreds of bones so that they can be analyzed from anywhere and by other researchers. With this kind of knowledge on the loose, how long is it before my spam emails stop telling me that I can increase the size of my penis with C_A_N_A_D_I_A_N ViAgRA and start promising me that I too can have the size and control of a whale dong? I live for the future.