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RIP to Laura Dern's Goldfish, Dead at 14

Illustration for article titled RIP to Laura Derns Goldfish, Dead at 14
Image: via Getty

I regret to report that Laura Dern’s beloved goldfish, unnamed, has shuffled off this mortal coil and alit to the Great Fishbowl in the Sky. He was 14.

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Dern announced the news on her Instagram on Tuesday. “RIP to our amazing goldfish we loved so much,” she wrote, captioning a photo of the goldfish looking alive and vibrant in his now vacant goldfish home. 14 YEARS!!!!!!!!” she added.

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14 years is indeed a long time for a goldfish, whose average lifespan tends to consist of the time it takes to walk from the carnival booth to the car.

People reports that Dern appears to have an affinity for fish, having once discussed them at length with W Magazine:

Dern, who didn’t provide the name of the goldfish, may have picked up her affinity for fish from her frequent collaborator David Lynch. The Wild at Heart director, 74, once mused to the actress about how creativity is much like the gilled animals.

“He says ideas are like fish — if you want to catch little fish, you can stay in the shallow water. But if you want to catch the big fish, you’ve gotta go deeper,” Dern told W Magazine in October. “Down deep, the fish are more powerful and more pure, they’re huge and abstract, and very beautiful.”

Dern did not appear to be referencing her own fish, however, perhaps out of respect for his privacy. Life in a fishbowl is hard enough without having to read about it later in the press. [People]


Prince Andrew will NOT attend Meghan Markle and Prince Harry’s big Goodbye to Royalty bash. RETALIATION???

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Haha, no. It’s all just part of his punishment for screwing up the spin on his “friendship” with Jeffrey Epstein. Page Six reports:

The celebration of the Commonwealth of Nations will see the couple appear alongside Harry’s grandmother, Queen Elizabeth II, as well as his father, heir to the throne Prince Charles, and wife Camilla, Buckingham Palace has said.

It will also reunite the Sussexes with Harry’s brother, Prince William, and his wife, Kate Middleton — long-rumored to be the feuding relationship that first sparked their discomfort with royal duties.

However, Duke of York Andrew, 60, will be missing from the big family event, another byproduct of him being dumped from royal duties over his ties to late pedophile pal Epstein, The Telegraph said.

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Sad! [Page Six]


  • Marie Osmond isn’t leaving any money to her children, pick me instead! [Us Weekly]

Night blogger, author of GOOD THINGS HAPPEN TO PEOPLE YOU HATE.

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Someone has been replacing that fish on a regular basis.