Queen Elizabeth Is Outraged That Strangers Are Fucking in Her Palace

By Mark Shrayber | October 7, 2014 | 5:15pm

Don’t want to bring your Tinder hook-up home this evening? Well, if you work at Buckingham Palace, there may be a solution for that. Just fuck your date where the Queen sleeps. She’ll be okay with it, trust me.

Actually, if this article from The Daily Mail is to be believed (::side-eyes::), then the Queen is not happy about the possibility of “randos” getting busy all over her royal furniture at all. In fact, she is “deeply concerned” about the fact that the staff is bringing hook-ups into the castle and would prefer that everyone just stop because it isn’t just unhygienic, it’s also damaging to the palace’s security. Too bad the Queen can’t order anyone to be tortured in the royal dungeon anymore. Actually, who am I kidding? Depending on the app staff members are using, some may even welcome it and ask for more. Poor queen! I bet she’s just angrily sitting in her room and listening to the ska her mother so loved while her precious home is defiled.