When Meghan Markle announced that her father would not be attending her demented, vaguely Brexit-themed amusement park ride on Saturday, the good money was on her mother, Doria Ragland, taking over and walking Markle down the aisle. But those odds were shattered into a million pieces by the combined forces of the Saint Patrick and Saint George crosses on Friday morning, when Kensington Palace announced Markle’s escort would be none other than her future father-in-law, the sniveling adulterer and rumored reptilian Prince Charles.
Their statement, with its impossible-to-predict usage of capital letters, reads:
Ms. Meghan Markle has asked His Royal Highness The Prince of Wales ot accompany her down the aisle of the Quire of St George’s Chapel on her Wedding Day. The Prince of Wales is pleased to be able to welcome Ms. Markle to The Royal Family in this way.
But before you get all, “Meghan nooooooo! This is the man who ruined the life of your future husband’s mother,” please note that Chucky will only be walking Meghan through the quire, which is essentially the home stretch—the area where the choir and clergy members sit.
Per CNN, Meghan will begin the walk with a “bold feminist act”: walking alone. They write:
In an unprecedented step for a royal bride in the UK, Markle will walk unescorted down the aisle of the chapel nave, after being met at the West Door by a member of the clergy. She will be accompanied in this first part of the wedding procession only by her bridesmaids and page boys, with the senior church figure walking ahead.
So her walk down the seven-mile aisle is 1/3 feminist, 1/3 traditional, and 1/3 proof that Meghan has literally entered hell. Justice for Doria! Justice for Diana!
I have some questions, and no answers:
- Ryan Murphy did a good thing. But also, dude just got Netflix money, and I’m rarely impressed by people who have more money than god decided to sacrifice a few pennies. This kind of behavior should be expected, not applauded. (If we’ve learned anything from the past nine months is that no one in Hollywood is to be praised too much. Not ever! Not ever!!!!! Not ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) [Page Six]
- Nikki Bella and John Cena’s post-estrangement life is very unique, to say the least. I’m into it. [TMZ]
- BREAKING: Child likes the Star War. [People]
- E! News did not one...
- But two profiles of love today.