Primary Beneficiaries of Literal Empire Reportedly Want to Hire a Diversity Consultant

Illustration for article titled Primary Beneficiaries of Literal Empire Reportedly Want to Hire a Diversity Consultant
Photo: Phil Harris (Getty Images)

From the allegations of mistreatment to the revelation that some unnamed member of the Royal Family (Prince Charles? Prince William?) was real stressed about how dark Meghan Markle and Prince Harry’s babies would be, that Oprah interview a few weeks back made it pretty clear just how casually racist the remaining figureheads of the British monarchy could be.

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Not that anyone should be surprised! I mean, this is the Royal Family we’re talking about. The same Royal Family whose ancestors changed their name to Windsor because they thought the original German surname was too ethnic. There’s also, uhhhhh, the centuries of colonialism, slavery, and empire they’re benefiting from to point to?

Anyway, as if to make good on William’s laughable reassurance that they “are very much not a racist family,” Buckingham Palace insiders now say that ol’ ‘Beth and her gruesome brood are thinking about hiring someone to improve their reputation on matters of diversity and inclusion. Per CNN:

Diversity is an issue which has been taken very seriously across the Royal Households,’ a royal source said Sunday. ‘We have the policies, the procedures and programmes in place but we haven’t seen the progress we would like in terms of representation and more needs to be done, we can always improve...’

Regarding reports circulating in multiple UK media that the royal family may appoint a ‘diversity chief,’ the source said it was ‘something that has to be considered,’ but it was ‘too early” to announce any ‘firm plans.’

Wow. Incredible. Congrats to whichever brilliant grifter ends up making millions off of the British monarchy’s vast vault of plundered wealth by telling the Royal Family to do everything under the sun except abolish themselves!

Freelance journalist (GQ, W, Esquire, elsewhere), here on weekends

DISCUSSION

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PenguinLust2:ElectricBoogigloo

‘We have the policies, the procedures and programmes in place...”.

Translation: We just went out to one of those HR sites and signed up for $99 a month program and have the boiler plate policies and procedures that we emailed out after putting palace letter head on it.

It’s all good, nothing to see here.  Totally fine.  Charles is in a timeout along with Andrew.  No pudding for them this week.