Pretty Wild: "Raising A Child And A Puppy Are So Similar"

On last night’s “Tits & Tears,” Alexis landed another modeling job—after being fired from a campaign for her alleged “Bling Ring” involvement—but her happiness was short-lived, due to the dramatic (and temporary) loss of her sister’s dog.

While I don’t doubt that many of the scenes on this show are heavily guided by its producers, I think that most of the things that come out of these girls’ mouths are authentic, mostly because I don’t know if E! producers could write something as awesome as Alexis’ soliloquy on her “the beginning of [her] new beginning”:

With the Biatta people [the company that fired Alexis after she was arrested for the burglary of Orlando Bloom’s home], they completely judged. All they cared about was what people thought about their line and their public image, not about my feelings. I’m a great person. And people who really know me and who did do research on me would know the great things that I do for the community, for this universe.

The girls got a gig modeling with this guy, Vernon Davis, who plays for the 49ers. After the shoot, Alexis asked him out to dinner, which was a group date thing. I found him to be hilariously scuzzy. For example, these seem to be his bedroom eyes. And his idea of flirting was saying to Alexis, “Hey, you’re here, you’re healthy, you’re beautiful,” which came off more like the three most important qualities he looks for in a lay.

Later, Tess temporarily lost her dog. The girls were sobbing, running around the neighborhood, barefoot in the rain, trying to find her. It turns out she was in the yard. Their mom Andrea admits that the girls may have overreacted.

Also on this episode, the issue of Tess not being Andrea’s biological daughter was brought up in a really contrived—and probably not true—way, which included awkward voice-overs trying to pass as actual points of conversation. In the end, the group used Tess’ experience with her biological mother as an explanation of why it was best that Tess get rid of her dog.