Possible Explanations For The Earthquake

A series of earthquakes around the country today and yesterday shook places that don’t usually get shook. There are a number of possible explanations for this. Here are the most plausible:

1. We weren’t freaked out enough about Hurricane Irene, so the earth decided to kick it up a notch.
2. The giant serpent coiled around the earth’s core is waking.
3. Three months late, Harold Camping finally got his wish.
4. Invisible Godzilla.
5. “God is all like, ‘DSK is freaking guilty'”
6. Twitter has discovered a genius marketing strategy, and has employed a team of evil seismologists to put it into action.
7. Today is 8/23/11. 8 + 23 = 31, and 31/11 = 2.81818182. See? See?!?
8. The tectonic plates want their own commemorative wine.
9. Like, geology.
10. The reported separation of Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith has caused the earth to split open. The only person who can save us from this disaster, as it happens, is Will Smith. His bravery will cause his estranged wife to fall in love with him all over again, and everyone will live happily ever after, despite the destruction of every major city. Coming this fall.