Tom is a 30-something married man; well-spoken, articulate, and easygoing. He also gets off on constipated women.
I first heard from Tom after I initiated a conversation about constipation. He soon emailed, declaring, "There's nothing sexier than a woman who can't poop." While most of our significant others might beg to differ, Tom seemed pretty sincere — and, since Google wasn't really turning up much on the subject, I wanted to know more. So I spoke directly on the phone with Tom, who cheerfully agreed to an interview (and who was not, thankfully, a heavy breather). With what follows here, may we all gain a better understanding of the enigma that is the human condition.
Jessica: So this the kind of fetish in which you can actually, like, engage? How does this work?
Tom: Laxative commercials on t.v. can be kind of sexy, if they feature an attractive woman. I've got a collection of laxative commercials that I've taped over the years. There was one from Ex-Lax some years back where you see a very pretty woman sitting in a train station; you don't think it's a laxative commercial because it's a very romantic setting and the narrator is talking about her life — and then says "And one more thing, she's constipated." And she pulls down her hat over her face and…
Jessica: And that pushes you over the edge.
Tom: I guess it's because [constipation] is a private, intimate part of life and so it appeals to a kind of voyeur aspect. To hear a woman talking about something that private is sort of sexy for that reason.
Jessica: So is this about the constipation, or are you turned on by the feminine-privacy factor? Like, would you be turned on by a woman discussing bacterial vaginosis?
Tom: No, it actually has to be something butt-related. Women talking about peeing or menstrual stuff doesn't do it. Constipation, diarrhea, farting — those are good things. They're less ladylike than peeing. In my experience, women are more apt to casually talk about peeing but she will only talk about pooping when you get to know her. So that makes it more private and intimate.
Jessica: Poop is a little more special, definitely. And when you're aroused by a constipated woman, do you want to have anal sex with her?
Tom: No, I don't like anal sex. I like doggy-style sex, I like to see and caress a woman's rear end. But I don't participate in anal sex, I don't…that doesn't turn me on.
Jessica: Do you get off on the idea of having that constipation cured, as in when a woman finally does move her bowels?
Tom: Yeah. And I'm not just into [solely] constipation. If I was on a date with a woman and we were driving and she was like, "Oh my God, I really have to poop, pull over right away" — that would be a kind of turn on.
Jessica: So it's not limited to constipation, but rather is about having to go to the bathroom in general. I guess this is some type of coprophelia; do you actually have any other proclivities towards the fecal stuff? Is that involved when you're having sex?
Tom: No, no. I wouldn't want to actually touch fecal matter or even really see a woman defecating. I mean, seeing a woman on a toilet is good, but I don't want to see fecal matter being involved in the sex itself. I find that gross. It's more just talking about it [that turns me on]. There was an ad for Metamucil a few years back where there was a school teacher was talking about how she was constipated, but how she didn't want to tell the principal she was constipated because she was embarrassed about, but then she didn't want to take a laxative because then she'd be teaching a class and all of the sudden she's have to go, and she'd be like praying for recess… Just hearing her talk about that was a turn-on. There didn't have to be any nudity or any actual representation of fecal matter.
Jessica: When did you first realize this was something you were really into?
Tom: I was in college when I first realized it. One time I was at the grocery store and I was in line behind a woman who I thought was cute. She was buying a box of Ex-Lax and a big head of lettuce and I thought, "Wow, this girl is constipated." And I found myself getting aroused thinking about that.
Jessica: Have you ever met or found anyone who kind of shares this interest with you? I Googled the hell out of "constipation fetish" and there's not a lot out there…
Tom: It's a pretty unique fetish. There's more general stuff about coprophilia and there's a site called Girls Gone Gross, but that's more about farting and stuff. There's not much specifically on constipation.
Jessica: And that Girls Gone Gross stuff is not what really what you're into, because that actually involves seeing the bodily fluids et cetera?
Tom: Yeah, I don't like the real gross-out stuff. The ideal woman would be a little bit demure and didn't want to talk about this because she thought it was unladylike or something. But you know she's so constipated that she just has to talk about it. It shouldn't be a woman who's being gross about it and talking about it constantly.
Jessica: What about enemas?
Tom: Yeah, that can be sexy. There are intimate tapes out there where you can see women receiving enemas, but it's better [for me] if she's talking about being constipated first, and then she takes the enema. [I don't care] so much seeing the insertion of the enema. I kind of like the story. It's not so much seeing what's going on, but hearing about her problem and then watching her efforts to attain relief.
Jessica: Your proclivities – just with women? Do you consider yourself completely straight, or does any poo do it for you?
Tom: No, it has to be women. I can see how people might look at this and see a sublimation of homosexuality – 'He's really into the butt' — but seeing a guy… I've been in men's rooms and there were guys taking a dump and it didn't do anything for me. It has to be a woman, kind of a feminine woman who's kind of maybe a little be embarrassed about it. The more feminine she is, the better it is.
Jessica: And how was toilet training for you?
Tom: I don't know, I think it was normal. I know that would be a classic, sort of Freudian thing — that I'm trapped in the anal stages. But I don't know that anything went wrong in my toilet training.
Jessica: What about your digestive system? Any problems?
Tom: My digestive system is fine, I don't suffer from constipation. I think my digestive system is in pretty good working order.
Jessica: Does your wife know about all this?
Tom: Yeah, she knows about it.
Jessica: And is she cool with it?
Tom: Yeah, she's okay with it. She's not, you know, crazy about it — she has asked me to keep it to myself in terms of talking about it a lot. But she talks about bowel-related stuff a lot. And I just quietly enjoy it. Being married to her makes it…I mean, when I was first dating her, hearing about this kind of stuff was really kind of sexy. But now being married to her, sharing a bathroom, and seeing her everyday makes it less sexy. I can see my wife take a dump anytime.
Jessica: Well, yeah, I guess it's the thrill of the poopy chase…
Tom: I am like a man, in terms of the eternal quest for novelty.
This interview has been condensed and edited.