Parents are hopping mad about a Play-Doh accessory that sounds and kind of looks like a very uncomfortable plastic dildo. What, the parents wonder, are they supposed to tell their kids when they ask why the toy is shaped like a big hard dick with an honest-to-goodness coronal ridge? Won't somebody thing of the goddamn children?
Here is the toy in question, via Uproxx, which yes, totally looks like a goddamn diseased dick:
Before we get into the specifics of the extruder — someone knew exactly what they were doing, okay? — let's all agree right now that it's an inalienable fact that all kids make dicks out of Play-Doh. I did it, you did it and your own kids will probably do it at some point and then explain to you that it's a cyclops snake of some kind. It just happens and it's weird but kids do lots of weird shit like take their clothes off in the middle of parties and poop on the floor. Play-Doh dicks are just the tip of the gross iceberg of childhood. Parents of social media, however, disagree.
While Play-Doh is trying to fix things by deleting posts about the toy on their Facebook (because they've never read about The Streisand Effect) parents are freaking out about how the Cake Mountain—again, everyone knew what they were doing—accessory ruined Christmas for their little ones who probably had no fucking idea that the extruder was anything but a fun toy. If this toy ruined your Christmas, you need to step back and reevaluate your life. You need to think about your choices. And then you need to close your social media account and move into the Starting Over house because there are a lot of issues you need to address. One of those issues is that you have no sense of humor and that your first reaction wasn't "damn, if that were a real dildo it would hurt hella bad" or "HAHAHA, LET'S GO TO THE STORE AND BUY SOME OF THAT WHITE PLAY-DOH!" I got some kinetic sand for Christmas and the first thing I did was make poops and penis castles—not because I am a sex maniac but because that shit is funny. And kids find it funny and it's not going to traumatize anyone and people will be fine.
Look: A little girl made a Play-Doh dick all by herself without the toy and she is doing fine in life!
Some parents, of course, are being reasonable about the whole thing and points out that the toy a) shouldn't really be the deciding factor on whether Christmas is ruined and b) what else are we going to get rid of because it happens to look like a dick?
Excuse me, I am about to go purchase this for myself and my partner's niece and nephew and we are going to have an excellent time making Play-Doh poops.
Image via Amazon