This Easter is going to be a sad one for the children of Essex, England. Their egg hunt, usually such a wholesome activity, will be marred by the knowledge that the “historic train line” which usually serves as the location of the hunt has been recently used as the set of a hardcore pornographic film. Ugh, if only we could keep kids from watching porn!

Parents are outraged that the Epping Ongar Railway allowed Brazzers to film a schoolgirl-themed shoot on their train and are unable to reconcile the fact that their children will be merrily hunting for eggs (which come, I must remind you, right from a chicken’s genitals) on the same seats upon which people were fucking just days earlier. I don’t know where these parents come from, but porn shoots actually seem much more sanitary than anything else that goes on on a train, historic or otherwise. Why, there have been several times, when I was riding on a freshly shit-upon Muni (this happens quite often in San Francisco), and I’ve wished (nay, prayed) that people would limit the use of their seats to just sitting and fucking and not angrily defecating upon themselves on a semi-regular basis.

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In addition, what does it matter what happened on the train days before the egg hunt? No kids walked in on the shoot. They weren’t asked to be extras. If a child stumbles upon a pornographic film filmed on the set of some of their favorite childhood memories (when they’re adults), I daresay they might feel more nostalgia than outrage. In fact, and I hate to make this about me*, but I am certain that a room I once lived in was used for a pornographic film that I saw in my teens. I just thought it was kind of cool and was delighted that the rent wasn’t raised due to the historical value of the place. The bottom line is that I guess that kids who are generally young enough to be involved in an egg hunt are probably not paying for accounts on Brazzers and are therefore unlikely to be affected by this. It’s only the parents, conforming to Victorian standards of living, who will ever have a problem with the entire thing.

According to the BBC, the railway has apologized. Well, a spokesman for the railway, but considering that Thomas the Tank Engine comes from England, I prefer to picture an actual railway taking on human characteristics and screaming “mea culpa” at outraged local parents. The Inquisitr reports that the train line is staffed by volunteers who are very, very sorry this entire thing happened and didn’t think that the railway would be quite so recognizable.

Officials who manage the line, now run mostly by volunteer workers, were red-faced over the sizzling shoot, saying that they often rent out the train for commercial ventures, but made an “error” in renting to the adult video moviemakers.

“Earlier this year we took a decision to allow an adult film, subject to certain conditions, to be filmed on the railway,” said Dean Walton, the Epping Ongar business manager, in a statement. “We are sorry that our decision may have caused offense. It is clear that this decision was an error of judgement.”

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None of the reports of this incident discuss how it was discovered that the train line was Epping Ongar, but I’d like to think that it was one of the parents — probably the one screaming loudest of all — who found out about it experientially on the porn site that they pay a monthly fee to visit.

*LOL

Image via Shutterstock