One Way Taxis Still Beat Uber: When You Want to Fuck in the Car

There are moments when your desire to do the dirty overtake your desire to do so in a private environment. And if you’re like enviable New York hipster journalist Rachel Rabbit White, you’ll do it in a cab, on a slab, in the park or in the dark. But you won’t do it in an Uber. Because they suck for spur of the moment menage-a-trois.

The New York Times has blown the lid off the important subject of fucking while en route, and the thesis is simple: Uber works in a pinch, but the lack of anonymity—the driver knows your name and will rate you on your behavior and, possibly, performance—makes it difficult to have a sexy moment while on your way to a party uptown. Not only that, but the sanitized Prius prospective lovers could be using to seize the moment (with free gum and bottled water at the ready) may take away from the hotness of the whole thing. If you want true romance and an experience you won’t forget, you need to hail yourself a taxi cab, because the driver won’t care and the ripped leather seats and possible remnants of splooge left by the explorers before you just make the experience hotter.

But all this could change. With the popularity of Uber surging in large metropolitan areas, Alex Williams at The Times worries that fucking in the back seat of a stranger’s car—a timeless New York institution—will soon go the way of the dodo bird: not forgotten, but no longer seen.

Williams has catalogued the experiences of several women who’ve used the back seat of yellow cabs for their loving (including the aforementioned Rabbit White as well as a few others who were not so willing to share their full names) in a loving paean to the gone-by days of free love, stoic drivers and the challenge of doing lines of blow off someone’s chest while a vehicle is in motion. All of this is already little more than a memory, but with Uber taking over everything (and badly: fuck you Uber Pool making me late to a wedding) the sexy cab ride that would once have been featured on Taxicab Confessions may soon be nothing more than a relic.

Are you willing to let that happen? If not, do your part and hail a cab now. Masturbate in it, snort a Prozac, do anything you can to remind the fine people driving that they are important and that you won’t give them up for a sanitized journey.