Older Men With Whom We Would Go To Bed

By Kate Dries | December 27, 2013 | 9:20pm

Latest

May-December romances: so verboten. AND YET! What’s a living, breathing, attracted-to-men person supposed to do when Patrick Stewart tweets out adorable photos of himself with Ian McKellan on the town, looking incredibly dapper and fierce?

Many bemoan how some Hollywood males seem to unfairly get more handsome as they age. AND YET! That’s certainly not always the case. Who knows what some of our most beloved stars will look like in a few decades? (We will certainly be watching Brad Pitt, who just turned 50 this week, very closely.) Some seem like they were always destined to remain hot forever (Tom Selleck, anyone?). But others don’t get enough attention for their striking looks. Until now.

Christopher Plummer (b. 1929, 84 years old)

Hot in The Sound of Music; hot now. Christopher Plummer gives off that rascal vibe that keeps us interested even when he’s supposed to be slowing down. As a bonus, he’s doing some of his best acting ever, like playing a dad who discovers he’s gay late in life in Beginners. I sobbed. He wore flamboyantly purple scarves. And yet, the attraction lived on.

Sidney Poitier (b. 1927, 86 years old)

LOOK AT THOSE CHEEKBONES! It seems sort of sacrilegious to describe anyone who Oprah considers one of her major idols as hot, (She has a photo of him on her desk. Sidney Poitier, Maya Angelou and someone else important I’m forgetting.) but here we go: Sidney Poitier is hot. While he has slight demon eyes because of that thing that happens when men get older and their eyes get sort of red after years of partying, it seems to be working.

Ted Danson (b. 1947, 65 years old)

It’s a proven fact Ted Danson is the hottest new member of the AARP. The firm stance of Jezebel.com is that Last Vegas would have been a much, much better movie had Ted Danson, and not just his wife, been in it. But what are you going to do? Rewatch episodes of the sadly cancelled Bored to Death over and over again and develop an obsession with the health of our oceans. Yes, that sounds right.

Alan Arkin (b. 1934, 79 years old)

It’s best when Alan Arkin wins awards because he’s a talented actor, but also because then Alan Arkin gets to get on a stage and do his usual mildly embarrassed, slightly cranky routine that brings all the girls to his yard. Additionally, Alan Arkin’s middle name is Wolf, a fun fact not enough people mention. I don’t know what else to say about him except that no one has ever been so funny driving around with a dead body or growling like a cat before and those things both happened in one movie.

Tim Matheson (b. 1947, 65 years old)

He played an incredibly unlikeable Vice President in West Wing and still, the heart yearns, enough that I may have enjoyed an episode or two of Hart of Dixie merely because of his presence. Upsettingly, there are far fewer photos of Matheson available online than one would like. Perhaps he’s spending all his time keeping that bod tight and the jowls lean and this is too busy to get out on the red carpet and show them off. Yes, that must be it.

Hector Elizondo (b. 1936, 76 years old)

Anyone who has seen The Princess Diares or The Princess Diaries 2 can attest to the fact that a. Hector Elizondo has a quiet sexiness about him b. his chemistry with Julie Andrea is off. the. chain. He is so good at playing the devoted partner in movies, dating all the way back to Runaway Bride, that you sort of wondered what he was doing with the mildly neurotic character Rita Wilson played because surely he deserved someone slightly chiller but no matter! You understood what she was doing with him.

Alan Rickman (b. 1946, 67 years old)

That voice…so serpentine…so cunning…so dry…so creepy…so many adjectives for Alan Rickman’s voice. Not enough adjectives for his intense stare or very strong nose that make’s Chris Noth look, by comparison, like he doesn’t have anything sticking out of his face. While Rickman’s face has sort of rounded out in recent years and moved away from its long, lean, cool-cat vibe, his personality that we have invented through the characters he plays still works.

Amitabh Bachchan (b. 1942, 71 years old)

It’s unclear what’s going on with Amitabh’s head hair versus facial hair color scheme yet I’m fairly certain there’s not another man on earth who could pull this look off. His sartorial choices are consistently stellar: he wore a sequined blazer to the premiere of The Great Gatsby and rocks the glasses in the photo at left regularly. While Amitabh is incredibly famous in India, it wasn’t until Gatsby that he was properly introduced to American audiences so at least something good came out of that movie.

Donald Sutherland (b. 1935, 78 years old)

Some may fear Sutherland as President Snow in The Hunger Games. Others find the moments when he’s spitting blood the most erotic of all. Other still might be even more excited about the fact that he’s had numerous Sutherland children all of whom have a likely chance of being just as good looking as he is when they are almost 80 years old. Even with long, flowing lion hair the color of the snow on the ground before it turns to city mush, Sutherland has an air about him that says dignity. (And sex. Dignity and sex.)

Sam Elliott (b. 1944, 69 years old)

Recently seen as “the other Ron” on Parks and Rec, I was about ready to give up eating meat for this man and join him on whatever commune he wanted to found deep in the woods. I’m not sure if he was ever on Deadwood, but I’m just going to assume so, if only because that mustache really speaks for itself and by “speaks for itself” I mean that it says “I am a cowboy in a time in which there are few cowboys left and that in itself should be enough for all you people.” See: The Marlborough Man in Thank You For Smoking.

Togo Igawa (b. 1946, 67 years old)

I can tell you nothing about this man’s career except that every time I see him the rare U.S. films that he puts out, he is a dignified and pleasing to the eye to behold (see: Memoirs of a Geisha or The Last Samurai, though the latter is not recommended because of Tom Cruise).

Images via Getty/Neoclassics Films Ltd/CW