No, Queen Elizabeth Did Not Just Purchase a Manhattan Crash Pad

Very sad news to anyone hoping for random Harry sightings while wandering New York City: Queen Elizabeth has not, contrary to prior reports, purchased an apartment in Manhattan.

Page Six has the story. You see, last week, various outlets reported that the queen had picked up three bedroom near the U.N. for a mere $7.9 million. But it turns out that no, she’s not seeking a refuge from Buckingham Palace renovations—it’s all down to a little Commonwealth confusion:

Sources tell us Her Majesty will not set foot inside the Norman Foster-designed building anytime soon. The actual buyer is the New Zealand government’s UN ambassador.

The buyer was recorded as “Her Majesty the Queen in right of New Zealand,” but Gerard van Bohemen signed the deal as the new permanent representative to the UN for New Zealand, a former colony that still retains the queen as sovereign.

She’s constitutionally referred to as “Her Majesty the Queen in right of New Zealand,” but the purchase merely refers to her as ceremonial head of the New Zealand government.

Unless of course New Zealand is merely covering for Queen Elizabeth so she can get some goddamned peace and quiet occasionally.