First Lady Michelle Obama, like Zooey Deschanel before her, has wordlessly declared bangs "out."

It happened at midday, when the breeze was low and the weather was fair. Reporter Justin Sink noticed that Michelle's bangs were looking more sideswept than fringey as she spoke to today's youth about their futures, which should not include the goal of becoming "a baller or a rapper":

Then the conspiracy theorists arrived, and swiftly at that:


And the jokers just had to chime in:

But the truth...the truth is so much more complicated. Behold, a brief history of the First Lady's hair from the past week or two.


May 7, 2013: SIDESWEPT

May 8, 2013: HEAVY FRINGE


May 9, 2013: HEAVY FRINGE

May 11, 2013: SIDESWEPT


This deep photo analysis indicates that the First Lady merely has access to a good hairdresser who probably wields a barrel hair brush. You can breathe a sigh of relief because Michelle Obama does, in fact, technically still belong to the "Very Bangable" club.*

Some Bangers** spent early Friday afternoon frustrated with this inaccurate bang rumor-mongering:


And made some stern ultimatums:

And that was Friday.

*This is a club for people with bangs and in no way implies that the First Lady is someone who people want to "bang" i.e. have intercourse with.


**Again, does not imply that they "bang" others, only that they can identify and appreciate said hairdo.

Earlier: Here's the New Official Portrait of Michelle Obama and Her Bangs


Michelle Obama Explains that Her Bangs Are a 'Mid-Life Crisis'

Are Michelle Obama's Bangs the New Michelle Obama's Arms?


Images via AP