Men Are Not Constantly Thinking About Humping You

According to a new survey of married couples, more men than women are happy with their sex lives. Specifically, 80 percent of men reported being very happy or happy with their sex lives, as opposed to 61 percent of women. If that’s the case, why are many women’s magazines so busy telling ladies how to do sex better? When such a high percentage of men are pleased with the bedroom action, is it necessary to teach women how to fuck backwards and upside down between subway cars just to keep their man satisfied?

It goes hand in hand with the lie that women don’t want sex often (or athletically) enough for most men. As sure as Trina brags in Frikitonia, “I’m a lady in the streets and a freak in the sheets,” many women believe that the ideal girlfriend or wife is always up for some xxx-rated between-the-sheets shenanigans.

It’s not surprising women accept this as gospel. Who hasn’t heard the lie that men think about sex every seven seconds? Combine that persistent rumor with the constant confrontation from a multitude of media that aims to make ladies as insecure as possible, and it’s not hard to see why men are viewed as sex machines from the fuck factory.

Fortunately for everyone, this isn’t reality. In fact, in the same iVillage survey, thirty-nine percent of men report having sex out of obligation at least sometimes. Imagine that! And according to the Kinsey Institute, the men and sex thinking numbers are significantly less terrifying — “54% of men think about sex everyday or several times a day, 43% a few times per month or a few times per week, and 4% less than once a month.”

Interestingly, in one study, men’s fantasies mentioned a partner’s sexual desire and pleasure more frequently than did women’s fantasies (Zurbriggen & Yost, 2004). For the amount of information that’s out there telling women how to appeal to men’s horizontal proclivities, it’s fascinating that men might be more interested in their partner’s desire and pleasure.

So why do women readily believe that men have an insatiable desire for sexy sex that must be tended to? Maybe it’s because sex sells, and it’s paramount that woman accept they need to keep their man sexually fascinated or he’ll cheat with a limber nympho that’s half her age and body weight. Feeding these insecurities sells more than just magazines, it keeps entire industries afloat. It’s not hard to believe that cosmetics, plastic surgery, weight loss clinics and pills, waxing and other “self care”, and many more would take a hit if women weren’t so concerned with how their appearance affects men.

The reality that men are greater than the sum of their dick and balls isn’t quite as, well, sexy to businesses built on the back of ladies self-doubt. But the truth is, men in communicative relationships built on trust and respect are often happy with their sex life, and that probably includes plenty of weeks where you only do it once. In missionary. With hairy legs (both of you). Or whatever’s normal in your couple. If you’ve made it to the altar, you probably have a pretty good idea of what that is.

Just like how (most) women don’t want to engage in seven hours or foreplay before allowing another to penetrate That Which Is Most Sacred, men don’t need to dip their dick into every vagina all the time to feel happiness. Perhaps most married men are happy sexually because they’re in loving relationships with the right amount of physical intimacy (read: boning, et al) for them and their partner?

Now we just have to work on improving the percentage of married women who are happy with their sex.