McDonald's is Not Doing a Nationwide McRib Rollout This Year

McDonald’s is likely to begin selling the annual delicious horror slopfest on Monday, but unlike years past, this time it’s only going to be available at franchise restaurants that choose to participate. Given the fact that my local McDonald’s is in all probability the worst McDonald’s in existence, I’m assuming they won’t have it. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go write goth poetry about the all-consuming blackness of my existence.

Man, I am going to get SO much hate for this post. Screw it, I don’t even care. I’m not apologizing for loving these things, even if I know full well they are objectively disgusting. Seriously, look at that thing. The onions couldn’t possibly give less of a shit about being there. The meat looks like there’s an extremely sad family of opossums somewhere wondering when their beloved father will return. I swear I can see the sauce congealing as I look at the picture, like some sort of time-lapse single still photograph. And that image comes from the McRib’s facebook page (of course it has a facebook page) — these are people with every incentive to make the McRib as appealing as possible and that’s the best they could do.

Despite that, I love McRibs and I will die on this hill if necessary. You can’t make me feel shame for this, Burneko.*

* Yes, you can.