Live, Laugh, Handmaid

Screenshot: Screenshot: Kylie Jenner (Instagram

In Margaret Atwood’s The Handmaid’s Tale, handmaids are forced to wear a “modesty costume” based on nuns’ habits and a religious sect from the Middle Ages who were bricked into claustrophobic cells so they might better devote their lives to telling God they were sorry, presumably for being born women. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t wear your modesty costume to party!

Thanks to the popularity of The Handmaid’s Tale on Hulu, which has led to a resurgence of interest in the original novel and a sequel called The Testaments, boozy “Under His Eye” get-togethers have become the new ugly sweater parties for a generation that has demonstrably lost all hope. Here is some Handmaids Tale merchandise that you could purchase for your Testaments release party, but absolutely should not:

A $129 red handmaid cape or a $13 Aunt Lydia robe depending on how committed you even are to the theme of this party, Karen:

Screenshot: Amazon
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A beer koozie because even in a dystopian future where women are enslaved as breeding stock, nobody wants to be inconvenienced by slightly damp beer can hands:

Screenshot: Etsy

A doormat to cheekily let your guests know that they are at a subjugation of women-themed party. You’re the doormats now! Praise be, bitches!

Screenshot: Etsy
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And should you find yourself invited to Kylie Jenner’s next Handmaids-themed birthday party, do not be the tacky, empty-handed guest taking pouty selfies in your sexy winged humility hat. Bring a card:

Screenshot: Etsy
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Nolite te bastardes partayundorum, am I right, ladies?

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