Even though Lindsay Lohan seems poised for a miraculous career resurgence to hang onto cultural relevance with all the viciousness of a ravenous capuchin, the oracles at TMZ think it’s quite possible that she could be going back to jail. But how, you ask? Everything was…okay, it wasn’t going well, exactly, but it was going. It’s 2013 — America doesn’t have the economic resources to sneak a Lindsay care package past prison guards anymore. If she goes back to jail, it would be nothing short of a national catastrophe.
You’ll recall that the threat of jail time has been hanging over Lindz’s head ever since she crashed her Porsche and fibbed to police about it. Her attorney Shawn Holley very nearly negotiated a plea deal (the prosecutor was willing to let Lohan plead no contest and agree to six-months probation), but then Holley was fired. Not only that, but there’s a rumor floating around that Lindz hath scoffed at any sort of plea deal, even though prosecutors have some pretty solid evidence that she was in fact driving the Porsche the night of her accident. If the case does go to trial and Lohan is found guilty, she could face 19 months in jail, plus another 245 days on top of that for violating her probation. [TMZ]
- Anthropomorphized Velcro pad Russell Brand picked his nose with the reckless abandon of a celebrity who isn’t under 24-hour media surveillance. [Buzzfeed]
- Dr. Arnie Klein, Michael Jackson‘s trusted dermatologist and the rumored donor of the sperm that fathered the King of Pop’s son Prince, posted a picture on Facebook of him from his youth next to a picture of Prince along with the suggestive caption “hmmmmm.” Just a reminder: drinking and Facebook are awful bedfellows. [TMZ]
- Jamie Foxx criticized Spike Lee for criticizing Django Unchained, calling the director of a movie about a minstrel show that becomes a network hit in present-day America (among other things) a big grouch: “The question for me is: where’s Spike Lee coming from? He didn’t like Whoopi Goldberg, he doesn’t like Tyler Perry, he doesn’t like anybody, I think he’s sort of run his course.” Spike Lee doesn’t like Whoopi? But everyone likes Whoopi! Sister Act alone has built her a lifetime of audience goodwill. [Guardian]
- In his effort to remind audiences realize that he’s an adult actor now, Daniel Radcliffe made sure to get an onscreen blowjob in his upcoming movie Kill Your Darlings, in which he plays a blowjob-receiving Allen Ginsberg. [Radar]
- Still not convinced that D-Radz is an adult? He was spotted being “affectionate” with his Kill Your Darlings co-star Erin Darke. Short of boning on the red carpet, the pair couldn’t have gotten more physical. [Us]
- Everyone’s rage detectors seem so perfectly tuned into Lena Dunham‘s particular voice frequency that the Girls showrunner can hardly gasp without a collective, “But why won’t HBO let me write a TV show about my quirky and culturally diverse group of 20-something friends in Williamsburg??? Life isn’t fair!” from her critics. Now, Dunham has made enemies out of pretty much everyone in Detroit, everyone, that is, except for rapper Bizarre from D-12, who thinks Dunham is “a rock star.” [TDB]
- Nadya Suleman will be stripping again. Blergh. [TMZ]
- Justin Bieber Instagrammed a picture of his ass. It looked pale and nervous. [Us]
- Matthew McConaughey was really pissed at workout buddy Lance Armstrong for being such a cockface. [MTV]
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