Lady Gaga's Dogs Are Safe, but I Have Approx. One Million Follow-up Questions

Illustration for article titled Lady Gaga's Dogs Are Safe, but I Have Approx. One Million Follow-up Questions
Photo: Saul Loeb-Pool (Getty Images)

Lady Gaga’s dogs are safe! But the ends on this story... They’re just so loose.....

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To recap this saga, equal parts horrifying and confusing: On Wednesday, two as yet unidentified men in a white car pulled up next to Gaga’s dogwalker, Ryan Fischer, who was walking the singer’s three dogs in Los Angeles. They shot him four times and made off with two of three French bulldogs, Koji and Gustav. Fischer, whose family says is expected “to make a full recovery,” thank god, managed to protect the third pup, Miss Asia, from a similar fate. The story broke on Thursday, and Gaga put out a $500,000 reward for Koji and Gustav’s safe return shortly after. Then the following day, we learned from Us Weekly that the whole altercation took place IN FRONT OF BUCK ANGEL’S HOUSE of all places—as in Buck Angel, the super famous porn star—who told the outlet that he believed the whole thing had to have been “planned out.”

All caught up? Good. Today, we awoke to the Los Angeles Police Department confirming to ABC News that the bulldogs had been returned, safe and sound, by some unnamed woman whom the cops say had nothing to do with the dognapping. Gaga, who flew to Rome a couple of days ago to begin shooting her next film, Gucci, has yet to comment.

This would seem to be the end of the story slash I’m happy that Koji and Gustav are good, but I still have so many questions!! Did the two men intentionally time their dognapping to coincide with Gaga being out of town? They had to have known they were Gaga’s dogs, right? And speaking of the dogs, how did they get from the two men to that unconnected woman? And who is she? Will she get the $500,000 reward?? Were the two men trying to get money out of Gaga, and, if so, why did they seemingly abandon that possibly not real plan?? And biggest question, personally, WHAT ARE THE ODDS OF IT ALL GOING DOWN IN FRONT OF BUCK ANGEL’S HOUSE???? Is that just what LA is like?? Everything simply happens in front of some famous person’s front yard?? Oh, and while we’re on the subject of odds, what are the odds that we’re heading into a Symbionese Liberation Army-style redux era of abductions, ransoms, and other means of direct class warfare in the absence of working people’s needs being met??????????

I have a feeling that there’s a lot more to this story yet to be revealed. Or absolutely none more to this story. No in-between. Stay tuned........or don’t.


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Freelance journalist (GQ, W, Esquire, elsewhere), here on weekends

DISCUSSION

mydogisagenius
mydogisagenius

How on earth do you inherit a $1300 a month apt. like that in NY? I read it first as $1.3 mil, thinking it was a coop or condo, which makes more sense.