On Tuesday, Kylie Jenner tweeted an opinion about cereal that many people might think is wrong, but is actually correct. “last night i had cereal with milk for the first time,” she wrote. “life changing.”
The responses to this tweet are fast moving and tumultuous, like a whitewater rafting trip gone awry. Does the cereal go in first, or does the milk? Does she eat it dry with a glass of milk on the side, Get Out-style? Is she shoving fistfuls of Cheerios into her gaping maw from a plastic bag like a toddler? Does dairy make her gassy? Or has she finally recognized that cereal served as Big Cereal intends—in a bowl, covered in milk (“mylk” if you must)—is an abomination?
Like Kylie, I have long suffered for my unpopular cereal opinion, but I’m thankful that because of Kylie, I can stand in my truth. Cereal’s appeal, aside from its ubiquity, is its texture—crunchy and crispy, like a potato chip that you can eat for breakfast. As a hand food, eaten straight out of the box, or from a small snacking bowl if you’re dignified, it’s lovely. Pouring a liquid over something so pleasant with the intent to change its texture from crunchy to soggy is a nightmare and it’s also wrong. Texturally, mushy things evoke mold, decay, and death; please do not get me started on french toast, a breakfast dish with the same operating principles as cereal (make something not mushy, mushy) that I cannot stand.
Cereal is a snack, not a meal. Milk is for children. Kylie Jenner, unfortunately this time around, is right.