Fact: Milk is for babies and children. If you are an adult—i.e., not a baby or child—you should not be drinking milk.
Look, I’m not a dairy dictator. I understand that, occasionally, adults might find themselves consuming milk. Cereal is inarguably better with milk than it is without it. I know that once a year you have to play Santa for your kids and keep the lie alive by drinking the milk and cookies that you left out for yourself. Sure. Fine. But milk as a daily or even quasi-frequent beverage? Nah, homie. I am a doctor educated by the School of Common Sense and the University of What Is Wrong With You. Let me help you see the light.
Point: No other species can digest milk after babyhood.
You’re not supposed to be doing this. Drinking milk as an adult is fucking weird and makes you feel like shit. Sixty percent of adults cannot properly digest milk. We are the freaky kid from your high school who kept wearing that long black trench coat even after Columbine of the Animal Kingdom.
Fewer than 40 percent of humans on earth can digest lactose post-childhood, and only 5 percent of Asians and 25 percent of African adults can properly digest milk. In case you’re keeping score at home, those continents have most of the humans we got. I know that as Americans we often like to shuck logic that’s employed by the rest of the world, but this is not something trivial like the metric system. This is about milk digestion. We need to get serious.
Your body does not want you to be ingesting milk as an adult. It very clearly tries to tell you this over and over by giving you diarrhea. But none of you goons will listen. Via USA Today:
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