I’m not a soothsayer and would certainly never profess to be one, but something tells me that Kylie Jenner and Travis Scott are NOT getting hitched in Italy, despite what the photos published by TMZ seem to show.
Kylie was spotted walking towards a private jet clutching a dress that maybe looks like a wedding dress, if one assumes that every white dress is a wedding dress. The dress has feathers, it’s in a garment bag, I see no veil, I’m not an expert, but okay, let’s roll with this!
Apparently, someone was spotted carrying a tux, which would be for Travis, if this were a wedding and not an elaborate hoax. Other signs that this is probably an elaborate hoax: only Scott Disick, Sofia Richie, Kris Jenner, and Corey Gamble got on the flight. Caitlyn Jenner was not present. None of the sisters were present. Maybe Kylie has decided to throw caution to the wind and is now choosing to live life on her OWN terms. The private jet, which will disgorge its contents in Italy and onto a private yacht named “Tranquility,” is Kylie’s last vestige of the great fame and wealth she’s been surrounded with her entire waking life. After a raucous celebration, she and her small family disembark, eventually settling in Sicily, near the sea. Kylie settles in for a simpler life—yogurt and fresh olive oil for breakfast, blood oranges eaten by the light of the setting sun. Travis abandons rap and becomes a fisherman; Stormi forgoes shoes for the better part of her childhood and runs through the streets of their small village, living life like the nicer parts of the Elena Ferrante books.
Anyway, it’s either a joke or a real wedding and Kris Jenner, the architect of this empire, has decided that she no longer cares about licensing deals, exclusives, or mystery, and would rather her youngest daughter just get married surrounded by like, half her family and no paps to capture their beautiful day.
Ha! Ha! Hee! Ha! Ho!! Not a chance. [TMZ]
Being married to Gwyneth Paltrow seems... exhausting, but so does being consciously uncoupled from her. Proof: she’s the one who allegedly told her ex, Chris Martin, to get back together with Dakota Johnson after their brief split in June.
Maybe it’s nice to have your ex tell you about yourself even after you’ve separated—they know you the best, after all, and once out from under the mantle of marriage, they’re now finally able to be completely real with you! Seems nice. Would begrudgingly welcome that from any of the people I have dated in the past, but would also not like to be told about myself if it came from Ms. Goop. That’s all! [Us Weekly]
Ma’am, if you have to ask... [E! News]
- Respect to Kenya Moore, the only Housewife who opted to wear a sandal instead of sensible sneakers for Toronto’s Carnival. [Page Six]
- Here are Spencer from Pretty Little Liars’s thoughts on breastfeeding. [People]
- Social media gave Billy Eichner a career. [Page Six]
- However, Channing Tatum needs a break. [Just Jared]