Katy Perry got us REALLY stoked for her video for "Dark Horse" last week, a good song that we can definitely now assert has a batshit crazy video.
Katy stars as Katy-Patra, Cleopatra's bastard sister who became addicted to a special form of crack cocaine that doesn't kill you but changes the color of everything in your world to day-glow. Katy-Patra is beautiful and loved throughout the land, courted by many powerful men who want to impress her with their wealth. But each one falls short, so Katy-Patra has no choice but to use her lightning magic to turn them into jewelry and pink sand.
Katy-Patra wears many wigs. Wig #1 is tattooed and sees everything:
Wig #2 is the wig you wear when you're turning your would-be suitors into jewels and pink sand for giving you subpar gifts:
Wig #3 is what you wear when you're just chilling and singing the bridge:
To be fair to Katy-Patra, what suitor who wants to be taken seriously would give a woman Flaming Hot Cheetos? They are VERY hot:
Some light dancing on a stripper pole. Hey Juicy J! Sorry no one cares about you because Katy-Patra's shoes are so cool:
Jiff, a semi-famous dog:
In Memphis, Egypt, men become dogs:
A dessert pyramid for the finest queen in all the lands (who wants to get diabetes):
Look ma, my chariot has hydraulics on it!
The scariest part of the video isn't even the video, but the description below it:
Do you want to play with magic? Insert yourself into the video using #DarkHorseCam: http://andCam.com/DarkHorse
Insert yourself into the "Dark Horse" video...and never return. What are your favorite moments of Katy Perry's latest public vision board?
DISCUSSION
So in mystical Ancient Katygpt a great sorceress, who can't handle spicy food, lures powerful men to bring her tributes of jewels, exotic junk foods, and defective flying chariots. But regardless of whether the gift pleases the sorceress, she hexes the men so that they dissolve away into a pile of pixie dust containing a special prize, except for the last who, in return for a rejected Pink Floyd concert prop, was given the body of a dog. There is only one explanation....MISANDRY!