Katy Perry got us REALLY stoked for her video for "Dark Horse" last week, a good song that we can definitely now assert has a batshit crazy video.

Katy stars as Katy-Patra, Cleopatra's bastard sister who became addicted to a special form of crack cocaine that doesn't kill you but changes the color of everything in your world to day-glow. Katy-Patra is beautiful and loved throughout the land, courted by many powerful men who want to impress her with their wealth. But each one falls short, so Katy-Patra has no choice but to use her lightning magic to turn them into jewelry and pink sand.

Katy-Patra wears many wigs. Wig #1 is tattooed and sees everything:


Wig #2 is the wig you wear when you're turning your would-be suitors into jewels and pink sand for giving you subpar gifts:

Wig #3 is what you wear when you're just chilling and singing the bridge:


To be fair to Katy-Patra, what suitor who wants to be taken seriously would give a woman Flaming Hot Cheetos? They are VERY hot:

Some light dancing on a stripper pole. Hey Juicy J! Sorry no one cares about you because Katy-Patra's shoes are so cool:


Jiff, a semi-famous dog:

In Memphis, Egypt, men become dogs:


A dessert pyramid for the finest queen in all the lands (who wants to get diabetes):

Look ma, my chariot has hydraulics on it!


The scariest part of the video isn't even the video, but the description below it:

Do you want to play with magic? Insert yourself into the video using #DarkHorseCam: http://andCam.com/DarkHorse

Insert yourself into the "Dark Horse" video...and never return. What are your favorite moments of Katy Perry's latest public vision board?