Not a day goes by when I don’t think of the scene from Jurassic Park when Jeff Goldblum holds Laura Dern’s hand and explains chaos theory using her skin’s alleged imperfections.
“Imperfections?” Dern asks, correctly. Because there are no goddamn imperfections in that frame. Anyway, it thrills me that Jeff Goldblum is and always will be science-phobic math zaddy Dr. Ian Malcolm, exactly one-half of my sexual awakening. In an interview at Cannes Lions, Goldblum watched a commercial where Tony Stark gives a kid a robotic super arm, which prompted a very Dr. Malcolm-esque “Your scientists were so preoccupied with whether they could, they didn’t stop to think if they should” speech:
“‘The species [humans] may change not only in connection with and melding with intelligence and computers but cyborg-style, too … where we may have a matter of new arms and things to make us another kind of species,” Goldblum mused.
“It’s real interesting. I am excited. There may be dangers, risks and challenges ahead, but opportunities. You can imagine all the risks if there are people who can afford to make themselves into another kind of healthier, longer-living, stronger, smarter species and others who are left behind. That’s a very different kind of thing.’”
He also could not remember the names of the video games he’s contributed his voice to because why would anyone need to fritter away minutes in a fantasy world when they’re already Jeff Goldblum in the real one:
“‘I know nothing about gaming even though I’ve been the voices for, what was it called? ‘Call of Duty.’ ‘Black Ops,’ I think,’” said Goldblum to guffaws from the crowd.”
Under duress, I would not be able to name a single Duggar, though they be various and sundry. There’s a new one on the way, but that’s neither here nor there. The most heartwarming part of this interview is when some Duggar tells the story of the time a recently deceased grandmother offered to bake them a gender reveal cake, and producers bought in someone better to make maw maw’s cake:
“‘When I was expecting Kynzie, Grandma Duggar excitedly told me of a ‘new trend’ that featured baking a gender reveal cake. Grandma asked if she and Amy could bake one for us?!?! Josh and I loved the idea and that was our plan…until our producers heard about the idea and it grew quite a bit!” she continued. “Buddy the Cake Boss [Valastro] ended up baking the first gender reveal cake for us!’”
Fuck Grandma Duggar’s drag, I guess.
- The Giudices are very concerned about Joe’s possible deportation. [E! News]
- Elsewhere in New Jersey, Margaret Josephs got an award for liking gay people a lot. [Page Six]
- Lisa Vanderpump’s mother died, which is sad. [Page Six]
- I don’t care about the new computer-generated Lion King because I’ve already seen The Lion King, but you might still have some capacity to feel joy, so here’s Beyoncé and Donald Glover singing “Can You Feel the Love Tonight” for a few seconds. [Harpers Bazaar]