I've Converted to Believing Chris Pine Is The Best White Chris
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I know, I know, you’re probably thinking, “No shit, Ashley” or “We realized this five years ago, dummy” or, as one friend put it, “I’m sorry Princess Diaries 2 wasn’t enough?” But yes, it’s true: Chris Pine was not my preferred Chris of the White Chris quartet, despite Jezebel’s long-held definitive position on the matter. Until now.
For those who (somehow) don’t know, the White Chrises are as follows: Chris Evans, Chris Pine, Chris Hemsworth, and Chris Pratt, all actors, all white, all named Chris, all stupid famous and stupid rich from big movie franchises. My favorite white Chris was always Chris Evans, best known for portraying Captain America—not because I’m a Marvel freak or anything, but because he’s… well, really hot? He also seemed like a safe default for the favorite White Chris: Handsome, good enough guy, and only mildly annoying on Twitter. Last year, watching White Chris Evans in the whodunit Knives Out underscored to me that Evans was still a perfectly acceptable choice for Best White Chris (as long as I ignored that dorky bipartisan project of his and that photo of him with Ted Cruz). He looked really good in all those sweaters, how could I resist?
But my loyalty was apparently finite because all it took was Chris Pine with a mustache and looking really dirty while riding shitty cars to completely convert me to his corner.
Here’s how it happened: Last week, my boyfriend asked me if I wanted to watch Hell or High Water with him. All I knew about this movie is that Pine is one of the stars, there is some criminal activity involved, and people apparently liked it. But as I watched, I realized I was completely willing to place Chris Pine leaps and bounds ahead of the other White Chrises.