Reason dictates that a book claiming to want to “help women” probably shouldn’t attack them in the title. And yet a self-help book titled Bitch, Are You Retarded? exists. When we first came across it, we were merely annoyed; women of the world were in extreme danger of rolling their eyes more than Alex McCord at a tankini-wearing Courtney Stodden. Code red.
Then the author, Carlos Lee, emailed Jezebel. He wanted an opportunity to explain himself. Well then.
Carlos was eager to get in touch; he emailed twice and made himself very available for interviews. Points to him, because not many people would’ve reacted that way after reading the comments on Jezebel’s coverage of his work. We set up a time to talk over the phone; he was gracious, punctual, and friendly. He was an exceedingly good sport about me rescheduling the interview twice, and was eager to dive in and get down to business. I can’t help myself, but I like him. I wrote some pretty unflattering things about him, and he’s still game to talk openly. Hell, he even laughed his way through a speed word association round (more on that later). That’s pretty brave, or possibly hubristic, but regardless, remarkably, he seemed like the kind of person who’d be fun to have a beer with. But.
He started off by telling me a little about his past. Lee grew up in southern California, a little chubster who spent his time playing with G.I. Joes and looking up to his suave older brother. The self-proclaimed former player said he first learned his dog/playa ways when he blossomed into an attractive young man. He said the women came to him, and he enjoyed the attention. However, at some point, he got tired of the “cheap orgasms and empty feelings.” He wanted something more. (I believe that’s called maturity?) After falling for a woman at work, Carlos Lee grew up and delighted in the wonders of mutually caring relationships. Seeing himself as a man of many talents, he decided to put what he learned into a book.
Unfortunately, he didn’t see the big problem with naming his self-published book Bitch, Are You Retarded? Why the need to use the words “bitch” and “retarded” in the title? Carlos had a story about that.
“Imagine you’re lost in the woods, and you’re with your best friend,” he said. “And you start to panic and freak out a little bit and you get real hysterical, what does she do to get your attention?” he asks. “She slaps you in the face really hard. Not because she’s trying to hurt you, but because she’s trying to get your attention. It’s a psychological, mental slap in the face,” he explained.
Lee said his fiancée’s endorsement of his word choice was approval enough. He was spitballing ideas with her one day — Walk Away: the Real Reasons Men are Dogs, Liars, Cheaters, and Assholes was one she passed on. But then he said the magical words: “Bitch, are you retarded?” Her eyes lit up and she exclaimed, “That’s the one!”
Lee told me he surveyed over 125 women about the book’s title, and 90 percent of them agreed with his fiancée. Shrugging his shoulders, he had a winner. Of course, that was an informal survey — nothing we can verify — so we’re gonna have to take Lee’s word for it.
But when looking at the reviews online, there’s definitely a different reaction from women. On Goodreads it’s featured on the following user lists:
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