I'm Starving and the Only Thing That Will Nourish Me Is Louise Linton's Forthcoming Rom-Com Serial Daters Anonymous

The past year has been cold and full of sorrow, days strung together like popcorn balls on a forgotten garland, each pierced with a needle wielded by an enormous, collicky idiot of a child; same with my heart. What will fill the yawning void where my happy spirit once was? Only one thing: the trailer for Louise Linton’s 2013 rom-com Serial Daters Anonymous.

In the Milwaukee-filmed movie, Linton stars as a “witty, driven fashion columnist” who, after leaving her cheating partner at the altar, starts a dating blog—which is not only a relatable plot, but an original one.

In the trailer, currently only available via the Daily Mail, we are treated to shots of Linton’s character at the altar, Linton’s character falling over at the altar, Linton’s disheveled post-would-be-wedding character leaving her man. When he asks in a cheerful down-home actor’s voice, “Honey, please, where are ya gonna live?!” She replies: “Baghdad, possibly the Sudan, maybe the Democratic Republic of Congo. I hear the guys are really nice there,” in a wonderfully subtle nod to real-life Linton’s horribly offensive and inventive self-published memoir In Congo’s Shadow which achieved the rare honor of being officially disavowed by the Zambian embassy in London.

Executive producer Sam Kozé told the Washington Post that while the movie screened at a festival some years ago, it was never released. “It was on hold to get additional funding and enhancements.” Now, the cast and crew are shooting new scenes and we can expect a “wide release” some time this year. We have been promised several Trump-affiliated wide releases this year, and have thus far been disappointed. (I’m referring, of course, to the alleged peepee tape.) Still, I’m holding out hope for this one.

Watch the trailer on the Daily Mail for lines like, “Greg came to me late in the day and showed me that you wrote about him in some promiscuous blog of yours,” which has been said to me upwards of 30 times.