If Strangers Think You're Pregnant, Dear Abby Recommends Liposuction

A “successful professional woman” sick of strangers commenting on her seemingly preggers belly contacted Dear Abby to, ostensibly, ask how to deal with well-meaning idiots without being a total dick. Instead, Dear Abby told her to wear spanx or get lipo.

Here’s the question:

DEAR ABBY: I’m a single, successful professional woman who carries her weight in one place — my belly. Despite many diets and exercise programs, I am unable to lose my belly. Because of this, I’m often mistaken for being pregnant.

Strangers in shopping malls, at professional seminars and in hotels while traveling will ask me when I am due. My usual response is, “I’m not pregnant. I’m just chubby and need to hit the gym.” (The other evening, though, I responded, “Not soon enough!”)

The last straw was at a recent book signing where the author wrote, “Enjoy your growing life.” Any thoughts? — NOT A BABY BUMP IN MILWAUKEE

Some helpful advice: NEVER comment on a woman’s stomach. Ever ever ever. Even if you’re positive she’s pregnant, because 1) you don’t know for sure, you’re not her OB-GYN and 2) even if she IS pregnant, she doesn’t need to hear your thoughts on her girth, because you’re not her OB-GYN.

Unfortunately, Dear Abby(‘s daughter) took a different tact:

DEAR NOT A BABY BUMP: I do have a few. Have you considered wearing a foundation garment? If you already wear one, then I have more suggestions. First, discuss this with your doctor, a nutritionist and a personal trainer. And if they can’t help you, talk to a board-certified plastic surgeon about liposuction.

Pretty sure the woman, who said she had tried “many diets and exercise programs,” was not looking for alternate expensive and uncomfortable ways to hide her belly. But thanks, Dear Abby, for your groundbreaking suggestion that “Not A Baby Bump” don shapewear and consider the same alternatives she said she already considered, plus plastic surgery.