"Dear Abby" Strongly Doubts Your Wife's Rape Story

Illustration for article titled "Dear Abby" Strongly Doubts Your Wife's Rape Story

Dear Abby ('s daughter): I've never written you before, but I'm writing you now to ask for your resignation. It's with regards to some advice you recently gave a reader who found himself in an odd predicament. While he was staying at his parents' house, one of his brothers raped his wife. In the darkness, the wife thought it was him. He doesn't know which brother it was. And none of the brothers will rat out the offending brother. It's an insane situation, for sure. You were right to be a little weirded out by it. But when you decided to forego any sort of censure of the offending brothers and get straight to your real suspicion about what happened: that the wife is a lying slut who needs an AIDS test and a strict talking-to. "Please do not accept as gospel that your wife didn't have an inkling that it wasn't you," you wrote. "It's time to have a serious chat with your wife and get chapter and verse on what happened that night." Abby, dear, I understand the skepticism. You're a woman. Women are more suspicious of other women, and the story sounds sketchy.

Maybe it's natural to assume that a guy helpless enough to come to you for advice on what to do about his younger brother raping his wife would be foolish enough to believe anything of his manipulative wench of a wife. Maybe you think this sounds like a pretty good way for a woman to confess a spontaneous dalliance without really confessing it. But to jump to one of those scenarios is not only misogynist, it's FUCKING CLUELESS. Let me tell you a little story about a friend of my mom who is pregnant with her fourth child. Guess how she got pregnant? She woke up in the middle of the night to find her husband fucking her. She didn't know who it was, at first. You know how sleep can be weird that way? People walk in their sleep, initiate sex in their sleep, eat in their sleep, dream they are doing it with Barack Obama in their sleep.

But you know what they don't do in their sleep? Get up out of bed, go downstairs, and start fucking their brother's unconscious wives. No, that takes some hardcore wide-awake premeditation, and while I hate saying this, it's a kind of premeditation that is all too common in modern dudes. Read our site sometimes, you'll see. I'm not sure what it's all about: porn, evil, testosterone, evolutionary biology, alcohol, or just a "culture of impunity" — but I'm pretty sure the last part is the biggest offender. And if telling 110 million readers a woman who says she was raped in her sleep is probably lying isn't fostering that sort of culture, I don't know what is.


Husband Remains In The Dark About Wife's Nighttime Visitor [Yahoo News]

I'm Not A Rapist, I Just Pose As One [Feministing]

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It looks to me like "Abby's" mistake was answering the letter. It's obviously fake because not only does it read like a movie plot and we have the idea that it'd probably be hard to not notice that it's not your husband at some point (they aren't identical twins).

The whole conversation with the wife sounds made up and the husband says that one of his brothers raped his wife, but none of the others will rat him out. This would assume that the brothers all got together and one of them bragged about betraying his brother, which I really find doubtful and it also implies that all of his brothers dislike him. The whole thing's made up and though Moe's hyperbole about AIDs testing and therapy is a little misplaced, plus an investigation (talking to) may be in order. It looks to me like "Abby's" mistake was answering the letter.

BTW: I quit reading "Abby", when the column got passed down like a legacy.