"I Would Do Anything For Love, But I Won't Do That"

Illustration for article titled "I Would Do Anything For Love, But I Won't Do That"

Welcome to Jezebel After Midnight, in which we indulge in sexy sex talk.

Let's talk about boundaries, shall we? How far you're willing to go — whether it's someone you just met or someone you've known and loved for years — is always an interesting game to play with yourself. Some people won't have sex with the lights on. Some guys won't perform cunnilingus. Some ladies won't give blow jobs. Some ladies will give blowjobs, but won't let a guy come in their mouth. Some ladies won't have anal sex. Some straight dudes won't let ladies anywhere near their anus, despite the fact that it's the best way to hit the "male G-spot." Some people would never allow a third party in the bedroom.

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But you know what they say: Don't knock it til you've tried it. And what if you are deeply in love, in a trusting. committed relationship, where you both long to make each other happy? Would you let him film you? Would you let her slam you in the pooper with a strap-on? Years and years ago, I was in a situation where I did a few things I never thought I'd do. A rimming request was made, and I found that by complying, instead of feeling weird and subservient — my fear — I was proud of the power I had to drive him wild.

Consider this: Have you ever been to a restaurant where there was something completely foreign to you on the menu? Have you ever sat at a dinner party where the host served something you'd never had before? Recently I went to a cocktail hour, where copperheads were being served. Jim Beam and Blenheim ginger ale. Hmm, I said. I usually drink gin, vodka or champagne… Never brown liquor. Try it, my friend urged. Take a sip of mine. I did. And it was delicious. And now I'm into copperheads. Do you have a sexual copperhead? And is there anything you won't do? Do tell.

Earlier In Jezebel After Midnight:
The Magic Of The One Night Stand
Lingerie: Awesome Or Awkward
Ever Mix Food & Sex?
The Pros & Cons Of Phone Sex
Let's Start A Reading List Of Steamy Fiction
I Have A Crush On A Male Porn Star

DISCUSSION

CassandraSays
CassandraSays

Also, on the don't knock it till you try it thing...no. Really, seriously, no. Sex is not like eating in a restaurant - in many cases if a person is feeling a really strong "oh hell no" response to the idea of something sexual, it's not a "have no idea what snail tastes like" thing, it's a "I feel a deep visceral revulsion towards this act", or "based on prior experience I'm pretty sure I 'm not going to like this". It's not always a good idea to try to push oneself through that. For each of us there are some things we just plain don't like the idea of. So what? Everyone has a right to set boundaries without being nagged and harrassed into relaxing them because someone else thinks they might like something.

Honestly, I think that this is unconscious sexism at work. Generally speaking, who gets told to just be more open and consider trying stuff they don't like the idea of? Who gets guilt tripped into trying stuff even when they really, really don't want to? It's not straight men. I think what's going on is partly the idea that women's sexuality is "fluid", by which people usually seem to mean "is a vague amorphous blob that can easily be shaped into whatever the man fucking her would like it to look like". Which is bullshit - women are perfectly capable of figuring out what they are and are not into and setting their boundaries accordingly.