Gwyneth Paltrow Will Mentor Ample Apps on Apple App Show

Illustration for article titled Gwyneth Paltrow Will Mentor Ample Apps on Apple App Show

We all like to make fun of Goop, but we’re the ones talking about it while Gwyneth Paltrow is wiping her ass with a $275 roll of toilet paper. Yes, please, mentor me, milady.


Apple’s new app development reality show, Planet of the Apps, has just signed on Gwyneth Paltrow to pretend to be listening to some of the hundred contestants applying in a fury as I type. The series was essentially created to bolster the iTunes App Store, and Paltrow is receiving an executive producer credit as well.

Goop does have an app, which Gawker said was made for “Perfect People” in 2011. Goop has also recently dipped a toe into exploring Snapchat. In a statement to Variety, Paltrow seems more focused on the potential philanthropic effect of discovering the next Pokémon Go:

“Developing and launching a business based on your own original idea can be exhilarating, but intimidating,” Paltrow said in a statement. “This is a great opportunity to be part of a series that lets us use our experiences to help app developers break through and create viable businesses that will impact peoples’ lives.”

Also joining the team is, who has certainly made strides in the field of entertainer/technology ambassador. According to his website, Intel Corporation made him “Director of Creative Innovation” in 2011, and he has sent music to Mars. He also donates a lot of money to teaching kids computer technology in conjunction with The Prince’s Trust. Honestly, I’d only ever associated technology and at the cross-section of autotune, so I am very impressed. said in a statement about the show, “As tech drives modern pop culture now more than ever, we are giving a platform for the next generation of culture makers to shine. We are searching for entrepreneurs with the vision to shape the future, solve real problems and inspire change within our daily lives.”

The Planet of the Apps was Earth all along.

Contributing Writer, writing my first book for the Dial Press called The Lonely Hunter, follow me on Twitter @alutkin



I read the rest but I’m still kind of stuck on the toilet paper. This confounded me then and it confounds me now. It’s billed on its website as a “flushable washcloth,” which sounds like something that will clog an ordinary-sized house’s main drain after a while - it does not say it breaks up after flushing.

It’s also apparently “vitamin-coated,” because... wait, why now?

But the best part might be the instructive illustration on use:

Good thing we all already know what to do with the stuff, ‘cause uhhh... this looks like a giant approaches your bum with it for reasons unknown. I SUSPECT FOUL PLAY IS AFOOT.

Bonus: It comes with a nice ribbon for your hair.