Oscars Nominees Are Getting GOOP-Approved $275 Rolls Of Toilet Paper in Their Gift Bags

Illustration for article titled Oscars Nominees Are Getting GOOP-Approved $275 Rolls Of Toilet Paper in Their Gift Bags

Who ever said Oscars gift bags were manifestations of absurd extravagance? This year, they include toilet paper, that old household staple. It comes from Joseph’s Toiletries and costs $275, and surely all the hottest celebs will be using it after they cash in their free burrito offer at Chipotle.

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The gift bags will also include a variety of other goodies not typically used for wiping asses: “$300 worth of personalized M&Ms, a $250 vaporizer, and $45,000 worth of Audi rentals from Silvercar, which is well over the average cost of a new car.” Nominees will also have the opportunity to take “a $55,000 10-day first-class trip to Israel and a $45,000 15-day walking tour of Japan.”

Nominees will also be encouraged to keep up appearances with a “$1,900 Vampire Breast Lift” which—in the interest of keeping it natural—“uses a person’s own blood to rejuvenate the skin.” Gwyneth Paltrow and the GOOP crew must especially approve of this item; they have already approved of the toilet paper.


Contact the author at rachel.vorona.cote@jezebel.com.

Image via Shutterstock.

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oldwomanyellsatclods
oldwomanyellsatclods

Here’s the description of the TP from the web page;

The next generation of toilet paper which can be used dry and moist, yet remains fully flushable. Why is toilet paper always on a roll? Why can’t it be thick and solid enough for one sheet to suffice?

JOSEPH’S Toiletries is the most soothing and absorbent toilet paper in the world. Each individual sheet is a multi-layered microcosm of form and function constructed with comfort and cleanliness in mind. Tender virgin new-growth fibres are refined with a provitamin B5 and essential mineral coating to provide maximum skin protection even in dry use.

The dendritic structure of the inner core provides optimal absorption while the outer layers act as moisture barrier for wet use. The ultra-gentle quilted surface provides profound softness.

All raw materials are FSC and PEFC certified to ensure the product is sustainable as it is desirable. JOSEPH’S Toiletries toilet paper is accompanied with two treatments in order to introduce the most skin friendly concept of pure cleansing and exceptional skin care to toilet hygiene.