Original Woodstock
Image: AP

It’s hard to throw a music festival these days, especially when you haven’t nailed out literally a single logistic required to pull it off. Woodstock promoter Michael Lang, who just a few short months ago was adamant that everything was going just fine despite all evidence to the contrary, has finally admitted defeat and canceled the long-maligned event:

“We are saddened that a series of unforeseen setbacks has made it impossible to put on the Festival we imagined with the great line-up we had booked and the social engagement we were anticipating,” said Michael Lang, co-founder of Woodstock, in a statement.

Woodstock 50 was initially meant to feature an expansive spread of big-name acts, from Jay-Z to Halsey to Miley Cyrus. But in April, the festival’s funders pulled out, apparently sensing an impending organizational disaster reminiscent of a certain Bahamas-based festival-turned-influencer hostage crisis/PR apocalypse.

Lacking permits for a venue anywhere near Woodstock’s original New York location, the event finally found a home in Maryland’s Merriweather Post Pavilion, but guess what? No one wants to go to Columbia, Maryland, at least not the people scheduled to serve as the festival’s main acts. Though the Zombies were willing to stick around, it seems that just wasn’t enough, especially considering the lofty lineup promised back in March. Were we ever so young?

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Considering the literal and figurative messes that have plagued all Woodstocks since the original, the event’s cancellation should really be a relief. See you all back here again when my reanimated corpse blogs the rise and fall of Woodstock 100.