Before actually reading anything about author Ottessa Moshfegh’s critically acclaimed My Year of Rest and Relaxation in 2018, I thought it was about, well, relaxing. Then I inhaled the book and learned it’s actually about a fictional person with mental health issues, an unfortunate realization to have just prior to the covid-19 global health pandemic. I am, like, 89 percent sure I’ve spent the majority of this year in bed, just like the novel’s protagonist, only unmedicated and emotionally sound… enough. I have welcomed isolation by becoming the most sluggish version of myself, something I’ve seen (virtually, of course) in others. And we sloths deserve holidays gifts, too! Lazy people self-care! Enable my coziness, loved ones! With that in mind, here’s a light-hearted gift guide for the people in your life who have given up.
A candle
Have you smelled a candle lately? That shit is heavenly, and only requires minimal effort. Everyone has a lighter in their house, and now they’ll have something to use it on that will mask the stench of their unwashed meat suit. (That’s your body, but you already knew that.) Also, candle stores always have discounts around the holidays, so now is the time to toss that Febreze and light up a three-wick, like a professional would.
Aromatherapy shower bombs?
I personally recommend Vicks VapoShower Aromatherapy Shower Bomb, Soothing Vicks Vapor Steam. They look like miniature urinal cakes, but scented miniature urinal cakes that will clear your sinuses and inspire deep breathing. I tried one for the first time before my road test and got my license a few hours later. I’m not saying the urinal cakes are the reason, but I’m not not saying that.
Delivery food gift card
How else are you expected to eat? And this way, there’s no skipping meals, and you don’t have to cook or shop. Just wear your mask when you get your delivery food, and tip well.
