Gay Sex Is Like Eight People Taking a Dump in Your Bed, Says GOP Genius

Remember Steve “Your Butt Is a Garbage Alley” Hickey from last week? Well, he’s BACK! Already!!! With more butt stuff!!!!! You’d think that being made fun of by the entire nation for being an anus-obsessed weirdo who maybe doesn’t know how sex works might cause a person to walk back their poo-themed anti-gay rhetoric, but not Steve! Not our Steve. Instead, unfazed, he did a steaming-fresh new interview with the Argus Leader, in which he shared even more doodoofeces-themed SteveThoughtz™ (lol, as if there were any other kind of SteveThoughtz™).

Robyn Pennacchia covered the backlash to Hickey’s original essay at Death and Taxes:

Hickey was lambasted across social media and on John Oliver’s “Last Week Tonight,” which encouraged Twitter users to employ the hashtag #analhickey. Which, let’s just say it, is pretty perfect. When contacted about this, Hickey told “Talking Points Memo” that he was “a little sore” and kind of bummed that people didn’t understand that he just wanted to help people with “genetic breakdowns.”

HE WAS “BUMMED” AND “A LITTLE SORE.” EVEN WHEN HE’S TRYING NOT TO TALK ABOUT ANAL SEX, HE ACCIDENTALLY TALKS ABOUT ANAL SEX.

Then, former Democratic Congressional candidate Dr. Kevin Weiland responded to Hickey with an op-ed explaining why it’s bad and wrong to make up weird lies about how buttholes work in order to stigmatize gay human beings who are just trynna live. Hickey was NOT PUMPED.

Here’s Pennacchia again:

Hickey had some words of his own for Dr. Weiland:

“And here’s what I’d like to ask Dr. Weiland. Do you tell your patients to wash their hands before they eat? Why? Because you touch a doorknob and you don’t want to get it inside your body. I hesitate to get crude again, but Dr. Weiland, is it OK for, you know, eight of your friends that you’re in love with to take a dump in your bed and then you can sleep in it all year long?”

Like, dude, haven’t you had enough? You’re turning into America’s own EAT DA POO POO guy. If you shut up forever right this second, then maybe you’ve got a shot at getting out of this without somebody turning “the Steve Hickey” into a novelty sex move where you have eight gay guys come over and take a dump in your bed and then you sleep in it for a year with a doorknob in your butt. Oh, wait, shit. Too late.