Florida Teen With Football-Shaped Dick Has World's First Penis Reduction

Being a teen isn’t easy; being a teen with a giant penis and unexpected instances of priapism? Well, that’s just downright hellacious. For an unnamed teen, every day with a giant penis was a nightmare, preventing him from wearing pants or doing everyday activities. So he got it cut down.

Uproxx reports that the high-schooler only chose to get the surgery after living with his brobdingnagian became unbearable. Or at least it must have been, because the surgery sounds so awful that I’m going to take a break after writing this to down four Bud Lites and pretend it never happened.

From Uproxx:

The operating surgeons sliced along the teen’s circumcision scar, unwrapped the penis’ skin, and cut out segments of tissue. The doctor explained it was like “having two side tummy-tucks.” In related news, and despite the surgery being successful (“It’s slightly longer and slightly thicker than the average male, but now it looks symmetrical”), I am now a eunuch. Easier this way.

Agree. Hope the unnamed teen is healing well and enjoys his new school, which I’m certain he will have to transfer to when people figure out this is about him. I hear there are high schools online now, though, so just wait until college! It’ll get better.