Florida Man Shoots Sister in the Ass For Baking Him Sexy Penis Cake

Christopher Taft had the shittiest birthday, and it’s all his dumb sister’s fault. She baked him an inappropriate cake, so he did the only logical thing he could think of to get her back: He shot her straight in the ass to show her exactly how she’d hurt his feelings. (And now they’re both butt hurt.)

Being angry about birthday and Christmas presents is nothing new. Even aggressively showing the gifter that what they’ve given you is a piece of shit is not wholly inappropriate when you buy someone a book they really want for Christmas and the fucking CD your brother has been hyping to you for weeks as your present turns out to be a free single Columbia House sent to thank him for joining their music club. However, all I did when I received the CD was smash it to bits and scream “Fuck you, you selfish pig,” which is only rude, not criminal. Taft took his gun off the wall and fired a warning show directly into his sister’s butt to “jokingly” show her that her gay-ass cake was not appreciated around these parts.

From Click Orlando:

Taft told police he thought it would be funny to shoot his sister with a BB gun as a joke and did not intend to hurt her, according to the report.

The BB was embedded in the victim’s skin and she refused to be transported, saying she would go to a hospital herself, police said.

The victim told police she didn’t want to pursue criminal charges.

Taft was taken to jail anyway. I hope his sister ate the entire cake anyway and enjoyed it.