Fiona the Hippo Is 6 Months Old and Doing Great

Let’s check in on on Fiona, the baby hippo, who is an inspiration to me and so many others in a world devoid of most pleasure, on the occasion of her six month birthday. Fiona, girl, you’ve made it! I love you.


Aside from making it to six months happy and healthy and fat, she’s also done more than I have in my entire life. According to the Rapid City Journal, she has an ice cream flavor named after her. It’s called Chunky Chunky Hippo, which feels a little rude, and is “toffee ice cream with salted roasted peanuts and milk chocolate caramel truffles.” I’m not sure how that really applies to Fiona, a precious angel with smooth yet rubbery skin and the patience of a saint, but it does sound delicious. Also, last week she was made an honorary sheriff’s deputy. Fiona! I’m so proud.

“Grow baby grow!” tweeted the Cincinnati Zoo & Botanical Garden, and honestly, I could not agree more. Just look at this majestic creature, cunning, sly, and well aware of the fact that she is, as NPR points out, a “social-media star.”

While it’s great to see her breaking hearts and taking names while also weighing in at a respectable 404 pounds, let’s take a closer look at her journey.

Here she is reuniting with her parents, who seem thrilled to have the little lardbucket back in action.


I don’t know much about hippos except that I love them and that I would not want to make one angry, but I assume that a six-month old hippo is just as adorable but slightly more self-aware than a six-month old human baby. I don’t know, just watch this video and feel happiness again.


Fiona doesn’t care. Fiona isn’t here for your shit. Fiona’s very busy and important. This has been your Fiona update. Carry on.

Senior Writer, Jezebel



Chomp! Got your ear, mom! I love this baby hippo. 5/5, is a very good hippo.