FINALLY VINDICATION: Tom Hiddleston Voted Actual Sexiest Man Alive

HA. Take that “Person Who Most Reminds You of an Infection You Got from a Hot Tub”. Turns out, there are still some sane people left in the world who recognize what true sexiness really is.

In November, in a devastating blow to people who like sexy men everywhere, People magazine (aka the Pat Sajak of American tabloids), inexplicably chose Maroon 5 lead singer Adam Levine as the alleged “Sexiest Man Alive 2013.” Hahahahah no seriously, they did that shit.

However! Do not fret, people who take arbitrary celebrity titles in random publications way too seriously! MTV is here to save the day. That’s right, I said MTV. For the first time, perhaps in the history of all known space and time, the MTV audience has done something sane and rational. They’ve elected ~~Sex King and Future Burt Husband~~ Tom Hiddleston as their 2013 Sexiest Man Alive. Via MTV.com:

Hiddleston’s virtues are many, from his British accent, his easy smile, and ability to really work some facial scruff, not to mention his charming personality and killer dance moves.

Not only did he win but he got 77 fucking percent.

FINALLY. FINALLY SOME GODDAMN VINDICATION.

Thank you MTV. You are officially forgiven for all of this mess right here.

By the way,
I have just confirmed with the head of Jezebel Beat Assignments and I am, in fact,
now officially in charge of the Jezebel Tom Hiddleston Beat. TAKE
THAT, journalism professor who told me I’d never get a “real job” if
I didn’t sober up in his class. HA!!! (Editor’s Note: This beat does not exist. She
made it up. We’re just letting her go with it so she’ll stop all the damn
emails.)