Sex. Celebrity. Politics. With Teeth
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Sex. Celebrity. Politics. With Teeth

Everything We Know About Britney's Wedding...

The dress! The song! The nails! Who wasn't invited! Who crashed anyway! A vagina skull!

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Photo: Steve Granitz/WireImage (Getty Images)

Britney Spears, 40, and Sam Asghari, 28, were officially married on Thursday night after nearly five years of dating through a pandemic, a conservatorship, and a conveniently timed tell-all memoir by Baby Spears (J*mie L*nn). People reported there were about 60 guests in attendance during the intimate ceremony set in the couple’s backyard in Thousand Oaks, including Madonna, Drew Barrymore, Donatella Versace, Paris Hilton, and…Kathy Hilton, I guess. Britney’s attorney, former federal prosecutor Mathew Rosengart, known for casually freeing Britney, and backup dancers from her Las Vegas residency were also spotted at the wedding.

Apparently, the invitations for Britney’s estranged parents Jamie Spears and Lynne Spears and her sister Jamie Lynn Spears (I mean, come on, her name is a combination of her parents’ names, what’s to like?) got lost in the mail, meaning they were very much not invited, and obviously, who would want narcs at their wedding?! Her brother, Bryan Spears, was the only immediate family member present. We see you, Bryan. We love you, Bryan.

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Britney’s sons with ex-husband Kevin Federline, Sean Preston, 16, and Jayden James, 15, were not in attendance but are “happy” for their mom, according to Kevin Federline’s lawyer who spoke to People the day of the wedding, and I am absolutely tickled at the vision of two sulky teenage boys grumble-communicating through a lawyer for their own mother’s wedding.

According to US Weekly, the couple’s nuptials were performed by Reverend Clint Hufft, who also officiated Paris Hilton’s wedding last year. Britney reportedly wore a gown designed by Donatella Versace and walked down the aisle to Elvis Presley’s “Can’t Help Falling in Love,” and truly, congratulations to those in the audience who didn’t sob, probably because they are sociopaths or serial killers. Britney is free and in love? Please, that should crack the hearts of even the most stubborn Flat Earthers. Also, she apparently had jeweled nails, because in a story she posted on Wednesday, she wrote, “I feel very sophisticated with all the jewels on my nails.”

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But it wouldn’t be a celebrity without some drama! Britney’s first husband, Jason Alexander, was arrested by Ventura County police outside of her house earlier in the afternoon after attempting to crash the wedding. Alexander was married to Britney for 55 hours in 2004 and went full chaos agent by going live on Instagram as he went inside her house and then inside the tent where the wedding was being set up, before being tackled by security guards.

According to Page Six, Spears was “shaken,” but refused to let it “get her down.” Rosengart later told the outlet that he was “working closely with law enforcement to ensure Mr. Alexander is aggressively prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.”

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Spears and Asghari first met on set of the icon’s “Slumber Party” music video, and announced their engagement last September, two months before her conservatorship was terminated. The couple had gotten pregnant, but sadly announced that they had lost the baby in May.

“Our lives has [sic] been a real fairytale. Happy Mother’s Day to you my soon to be queen,” Asghari wrote last month on Instagram, adding, “Also the big day has been set! But nobody will know until the day after.” Welp, not quite right, we knew the day of. All that really matters is that Britney is happy, and that on the day of her wedding, in classic enigmatic influencer Brit-style, she posted a trio of painted Mexican skulls, or calaveras, usually crafted to celebrate the Day of the Dead, one of which appears to have a vagina on its forehead.

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Happy for y’all! Take care of our girl, Sam, or the entire Free Britney mob will be sicced upon you!!!

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  • Julia Fox continues her never-ending publicity tour by putting on a Zac Posen wedding gown for no reason. [Page Six]
  • Jennifer Lopez is now pissed that performed in a Super Bowl halftime with Shakira because she, personally, should’ve had more time to sing. Ok, diva. [Insider]
  • Anne Hathaway, newly crowned a woman of the people, wore Birkenstocks on the set of her upcoming film. Nice. [People]
  • Eric Adams continues to be the nightlife mayor that nobody asked for while “hobnobbing” with Paris Hilton, Jennifer Lopez, French Montana, and multiple “Housewives.” [Page Six]
  • Halsey’s got Baby Nanny drama. [TMZ]