Last week squatter-musician Azealia Banks made an alarming announcement on her Instagram story: that she had been in Elon Musk’s home for days while waiting for Grimes. She wrote, in ominous courier-on-black:
Literally been sitting at Elon Musks house alone for days waiting for @grimes to show up and start these sessions.
I have no idea when she is coming back.
I’m going to wait one more day then I’m going to go home.
Or, in blackmail:
I am inside the house.
Deliver Grimes in one day or I will finish the Dippin’ Dots.
Gram @AzealiaBanks for time and location.
It’s actually entirely possible that Banks could have spent days wandering the Musk compound which reportedly includes at least five contiguous mansions, without encountering a soul and living on the brink of starvation foraging in one of a hundred kitchen cabinets while America wondered what unscrupulous robot butler buzzed her in the first place. She wove a harrowing tale (in now-deleted Instagram posts and captured by Twitter users and news outlets), in which she was held hostage by sex-crazed masterminds; she shared an enclosure for days with a humanoid mutant caveman capable of god knows what; and she was offered a first-class flight as though she was going to go quietly (“Ha!”). If the screen grabs are authentic, she called him a pussy and a beta male, she mocked people suffering from hair loss, she made fun of the inbred, she shamed the developmentally challenged, she made light of drug addiction: basically, she was Azealia Banks on rocket fuel.
All of this on-brand shit-talk and would be noise if she hadn’t repeatedly suggested that Musk sent the infamous tweet about taking Tesla private, the cause of several lawsuits, while he was on acid. She claimed that she “waited around all weekend while grimes coddled her boyfriend for being too stupid to know not to go on twitter while on acid,” and later told Business Insider that she “saw him in the kitchen tucking his tail in between his legs scrounging for investors to cover his ass after that tweet.”
A spokesperson for Musk told our sister site Jalopnik that he “has never even met [Banks] or communicated with her in any way,” but now sources tell the New York Times that she was...there.
Ms. Banks had arrived in the predawn hours, invited to the house by Grimes, people familiar with the sequence of events say.
Ms. Banks had arrived in the predawn hours...
Musk now confirms to the Times that he did see Banks at one point on the property from a distance as she finally set off:
I saw her on Friday morning, for two seconds at about a 30-foot distance as she was leaving the house. I’d just finished working out. She was not within hearing range. I didn’t even realize who it was. That’s literally the only time I’ve ever laid eyes on her.
The upshot is that now her photo is leading a New York Times story, and that’s all Azealia ever wanted.
And this has been the Tale of Two Assholes.